It always comes back to connection.

This past week has been one of the hardest weeks of parenting that I've had in a long time. It seems that both kids hit a period of disequilibrium at the same time. It was right on time for Hayden, since she'll be having a birthday at the end of May. I'm not sure why Tristan seems to be hitting it right now too. Either it's just coming a bit late, since he's already had his birthday, or there's just something magical about reaching that three year old mark. That's a well kept secret of parenting, you know. Before you have kids, all you hear about is the "terrible twos". That's a misnomer. The twos are fun. The threes are SO difficult. The terrible twos are a big lie, not to mention a really negative way to talk about your child. But I digress.

 

 

So they've both been in disequilibrium, and it's been difficult. They've both been melting down, seem to have lost all of the maturity they gained over the past year, and have gone back to needing almost constant supervision when they're together. I've definitely been doing a lot of get-off-your-butt parenting, and have been hard to find time to get anything else done. I've particularly been struggling with Hayden. Three, while difficult, I've done before. I know a little of what to expect and that it's totally normal for that age. But I've never done going-on-five before, and so much of the time lately it's seemed like she's morphed into this angry little person that I don't recognize or have the first clue how to handle.

 

 

I've been hanging in there though. I'm experienced enough in parenting now to know that these seasons happen, and that they're not a reflection of my ability as a parent or whether or not my kids will grow up to be productive members of society. They just happen. We just have to try to get through them with as much grace and patience as we can.

 

 

Just like usually happens, I'm learning so much through this process. I've been trying to do everything right and trying to figure out what I could do to help Hayden get through this difficult patch. I thought maybe she needed more big muscle movement, so we've been spending more time than ever outside and at the park. As wonderful as that is, especially in the springtime, it didn't really help. Weird!

 

 

The whole time, I was missing the answer that was staring me in the face. Parenting is all about connection. It always, always, always comes back to connection. If you know me, you know I'm not good with connection. It's a struggle, a stretch for me. I've written before about how Tristan is the one who first taught me how to love, well into my twenties, and while that was an amazing process, it's still a process of growth for me. It's not a switch that can just be turned on, it's a daily process of learning to be vulnerable and make that connection with another human. It's difficult for me, and when I get busy I sometimes forget to focus on practicing it.

 

 

This is counter-productive, of course, because connection is one of the most basic needs of my little girl. I discovered that it was what had been missing almost by accident. Two nights ago I was tired after dinner, and decided to relax on the couch for a couple of minutes before tackling the dishes and bedtime. I turned on the tv to one of those silly cooking competition shows. Hayden snuggled in next to me and we cuddled for twenty minutes or so. It was lovely. How could I have forgotten about this?!? For all the effort I'd been putting in all week to make sure that all her needs were being met, and that I was doing everything I could to be a good parent during a difficult time, I had forgotten about actually connecting with her.

 

 

Her demeanor totally changed after that snuggle session. She seemed like she was the happy little girl that I was used to having around again. We were enjoying each other's company and she seemed to be enjoying life. Wow! And then, unfortunately, an hour later I screwed it up again. Perhaps it's my behaviour that needs more work than hers does. In a moment of frustration(it was the end of the day, remember) I yelled, and in a second's time her countenance fell again. No! I had messed it up again! At least I knew now what I was doing wrong. I apologized, and hugged her. From that next morning, I've been focusing on connecting with her, and it's making all the difference. We still have difficult moments, of course, but I'm learning to help her through them with more patience and grace now that I'm focused on connecting with her.

 

Connection, it always comes back to connection. No matter what else is going on with my kids, I'm learning to remember that connection is always the answer.

 

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Me? Supermom? Only if you are too!

Someone called me a supemom yesterday. My first instinct was to laught out loud- I do NOT consider myself a supermom by any stretch of the imagination. Then I stopped myself, realizing that she was probably serious, and started to ponder.

 

 

Having a blog does not make me a supermom. Posting cute pictures of my kids does not make me a super mom. Feeding them organic food, breastfeeding my two year old, using gentle discipline, co-sleeping and homebirthing- these things do not make me a supermom. Supermom- what does that even mean? I'm just a normal mom, doing the best that I can. The best that I can do is going to look different than the best that another mom can do. Not better, not worse, just different.

 

 

Want to know the truth? I struggle with motherhood. Sure, there are parts of it that come really naturally to me(like the whole mothering a newborn thing- it totally clicked for me from day one), but there are so many other parts that don't. Most days I'm tired, frustrated, and giving this thing my best shot, hoping that I don't screw my kids up too badly. Really.

 

See? Cute picture of us having fun, and Hayden has toothpaste on her face still.

 

Honestly, my personality type (INTJ) is not the greatest suited for motherhood, especially stay at home motherhood. I'm a BIG introvert, so being around small people that need nearly constant interaction all day every day is difficult for me. I do lots of internal thinking and processing, and having toddlers around is a direct conflict with that most of the time. Nothing like being in the middle of deep contemplation and being interrupted with, "Mommy! I pooped!!!" It's a daily struggle to balance my need for learning, thinking, and processing with their needs for interaction and play. I read the other day that INTJs and ENTJs are the types that are most likely, as mothers, to work outside the home, and it was incredibly validating to me just to hear that. I often think that I would be a better mother if I was working outside of the home at least part time. That's not a realistic possibility for us right now, but even just acknowledging to myself that my current situation is not idea for my personality is helpful for me, and helps me to not feel so guitly or helpless when I do get frustrated.

 

As an introvert, especially an introvert that was fairly sheltered as a kid, I'm not very social. I don't make enough playdates or provide enough social interaction, especially for my extroverted kid. I struggle with giving them enough outside time. I don't always enjoy playtime, and we don't do a lot of fancy crafts. These are things that I'm working on, but I'm also giving myself space to be imperfect and not beating myself up over these things. Parenting is a hard job, and more and more lately I'm choosing to give myself credit for the things that I have done right, instead of beating myself up for what I haven't done. And surprisingly, when I do let go of that guilt, I feel so much more confident that I actually feel freer to accomplish some of those things that I was feeling guilty about not doing before. Guilt doesn't help me become a better mother, it holds me back from becoming a better mother.

 

I'm not perfect. I get frustrated, I sometimes speak more harshly than I should, and sometimes I just need a BREAK already! But I never stop trying. I never stop telling my kids that I love them. I never stop trying to do my best to show them that I love them. To me, that's what a supermom really is- someone that loves her kids and is trying to do her best. And that's going to look a little different for every mom. Let's stop comparing ourselves, stop beating ourselves up, and instead acknowledge and celebrate all the good that we do accomplish.

 

Me? Supermom? Only if you are too! I think we're all pretty darn super. Let's start giving ourselves credit for it.

 

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San Antonio and How I'm Letting Go of Must-Do-It-All Guilt.

We're back! We had such a great time on our mini vacation in San Antonio! We:

 

Took goofy pictures

Did an obscene amount of walking along the riverwalk

Slept in every morning(not pictured)

Ate a ridiculously amazing steak dinner topped off with a perfect creme brulee(also not pictured- I felt a little awkward busting out the camera in such a fancy restaurant)

Visited the Guenther House, which had an incredible gingerbread replica of itself inside

 

Saw Les Miserables(incredible! Go see it right away!)

 

I'm thankful for:

The fact that my gut is healed enough to handle things like corn and sugar occasionally, and that I didn't have to obsess over my food except to make sure that it was gluten free

The afternoon at the mall that I got all to myself, dressing up

shopping,

 

 

and finding the Alamo.

Also thankful for the quiet breakfasts I got to myself,

and the fact that we're secure enough in our relationship to not have to spend every minute together. Thad wants to stay in the room and watch football while I go shopping and explore the town? Sounds like a win/win to me!

 

 

We had a great time, and we were so happy to get back home to see the kids.

 

But WOW. I was NOT expecting reintigration to be so hard. Apparently just three days apart was long enough for the kids to forget all the boundaries that we've been setting for forever, and for me to forget just how HARD this parenting thing is! We were back to snatching toys away from each other, forgetting to use words to talk to each other, and forgetting to ask mommy for help when the words aren't working. (They don't normally do these things perfectly, of course, but we've made some good progress and they're learning well.) There has been lots of boundary testing since we got back. I'm sure that's normal, but it sure isn't fun! Lots of patience required.

 

Even though I knew that the first day back was a little harder than my average day at home with the kids, I found myself thinking, "No wonder I'm so tired all the time! No wonder I always feel like I can't get anything done! No wonder!" Parenting these two is a non-stop job, from the time they wake up until the time they go to sleep. NON- STOP. Even when I am able to step away and get something done, I always have to be ready to drop everything to help a child, and that by itself is exhausting, at least for me. I don't know how I let myself forget that, and how I let myself feel guilty for not doing more, but I'm stopping with the guilt.

 

Parenting is a really difficult job. I think I need to give myself a little more credit. Even on days where I don't get anything else done besides care for the kids, I've done something awesome and I don't need to feel any guilt over that. On days when I'm able to get other things done as well(which is most days), I need to celebrate that, not feel guilty that I wasn't able to do more. I'll be able to do more when the kids are older, but for this season that requires non-stop attention, I think I'm doing pretty darn good, and I'm going to start giving myself credit for it.

 

Less guilt. More being proud of myself. More encouraging myself. I think that's the big lesson this vacation taught me.

 

 

Do you ever find yourself feeling guilty for not doing more? Do you have a hard time remembering that simply parenting small children day to day is a big accomplishment on its own? What helps you keep these things in perspective?

 

 

 

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The Best Co-Sleep-But-Don't-Have-Them-In-Your-Bed-Forever Tip That I Almost Never Hear

As an AP/crunchy mom, I'm a pretty big fan of co-sleeping. I'm sure most of the readers of this blog are too. But let's be real for a minute- I'd also guess that most of us aren't too keen on the thought of having our kids in bed with us for the next 5-10+ years, especially if there are many of them. But at the same time, most crunchy moms aren't comfortable with the idea of crying it out, and lets be honest- uncomfortable transitions aren't exactly the funnest part of parenting, especially when they involve losing sleep. So what's a crunchy momma or daddy to do?

 

I've found a solution that's worked really well for our family, so well that I can't believe that I don't hear more people talking about it! It's a super easy, transition free way to help your kids slowly start sleeping in their own beds as they get older.

 

 

When my babies were brand new, I felt most comfortable with them right in bed with me the entire time. I'm pretty paranoid about leaving newborns to sleep(or do anything, really) alone for any length of time, so I'd always keep them close to me and bring them to bed with me as soon as I was ready to go to sleep, even if they were still sleeping.

 

 

Here's the key though. At 3, 4, 6 months- whenever you start to feel more comfortable with your baby sleeping unattended for a little while- have them start out the night in their own bed. That's it! That's my whole tip! Isn't that easy? Seriously though, have them start out the night in their own bed. Then, the first time they wake up to nurse, just bring them back in bed with you, and you can co-sleep and nurse to your mutual hearts' content for the rest of the night.

 

 

This is a great idea for so many reasons. The first is that it gets the child used to their own bed. Of course, as an AP momma I never expected my babies to sleep all night in their own beds(and I still don't). But I think the idea of getting them used to another bed at an early age, in a non-scary, non-threatening way can only be a good thing. If they've only ever slept in one bed for the first several years of their life, that could be a big transition when it's time, but if they're comfortable in a couple of beds from 6 months on, it makes for an easier transition. Also, since I was bringing them back to your bed to co-sleep and nurse for the rest of the night, I found that my babies didn't get scared when they woke up in the middle of the night. I came to them, every time, and they learned that when they woke up momma was going to be right there and get them for nurses and snuggles. I was NOT wiling to try to get them back to sleep in the other room, and get in and out of my bed several times a night, but I could handle getting up once and falling right back to sleep. I enjoyed the snuggles too, of course.

 

 

Here's the real kicker though. Typically(and your baby might be different, of course), as babies turn into toddlers and then preschoolers, they start to sleep for longer stretches without waking. If they start out the night in their room, that means that as they start to sleep for longer stretches, they'll be sleeping longer in their room. When I first started doing this with Tristan, he'd sleep until maybe 11PM or midnight. As he started getting older, he'd sleep until around 1AM, then until about 2 or 3 AM. Now? Most nights, he sleeps the entire night in his own bed, in his own room, and comes into my bed to nurse around 6 or even 7 AM. It's wonderful!

 

 

There was no transition period. There were no sleepless nights of putting him back in his bed multiple times. There was no nervousness for him about a new bed or about sleeping without mommy. He simply went to sleep in his bed like he'd been doing since he was about 6 months, except now he sleeps all night! He's totally confident in the fact that if he needs me I'll be there, and that he's welcome in my bed if he needs to snuggle, and occasionally he does need those middle of the night snuggles. But most nights, he doesn't need to anymore. My 2.5 year old, attachment parented, still nursing, never-left-to-cry-it-out toddler sleeps most nights in his own room, of his own will.

 

 

Did I mention that there was NO transition period, at all???

 

 

For the life of me, I can't figure out why more moms are not talking about this! I realize every baby is different, but this was SO easy for us and worked SO well that I can't imagine it not working well for at least some other families!

 

 

Now, if you want to take this tip to the next level, here's my other suggestion. Skip the crib. Really. I moved both of my babies into a twin bed by the time they were 13 months old, but if I ever have another, I'm planning to skip the crib altogether and just have them sleep on a twin or double mattress put right on the floor. Why? Like a lot of breastfeeding moms, I like to nurse my babies to sleep. And like just about any mom can testify to, it's SOOO difficult to nurse/rock/cuddle your baby to sleep, and then do the dreaded transfer to the crib. Just typing that makes me feel anxious! Not. Fun.

 

 

Once I moved my babies up to a twin bed though, bedtime got so. much. easier. I could just lay next to them and nurse them to sleep, and then as soon as they were asleep I could just unlatch them, if necessary, and get up. No transfer required. They had no idea I was even gone. Absolute brilliance! Whenever they woke up in the middle of the night, there was no freaking out(most of the time, it happened occasionally). They were in a familiar, comfortable place, and they knew as soon as they called for me I'd be there to bring them into my bed.

 

Tristan when we first moved him out of the crib. We didn't have a twin bed at first, so we just put his crib mattress on the floor. It was uncomfortable, but did allow me to kindof lay next to him and nurse him to sleep. Wasn't he cute?!

 

 

Are you catching how awesome this idea is? Laying next to your baby to nurse them to sleep, no crib transfer required, and then as they get older, no transition period required to get them to sleep in their own room!!! They just sleep all night on their own whenever they're ready! SO. EASY.

 

 

Am I living under a rock? Are there moms everywhere doing this and talking about it? If you've done this or something similar, I'd love to hear about it! I understand that this idea probably won't work for everyone, but it worked so well for us that I can't believe that there aren't moms everywhere shouting this idea from the rooftops!

 

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Handprint Wrapping Paper for Christmas!

*WARNING* If you're reading this and you know you're getting a present from me this year, you might want to stop reading if you want to be surprised.



The awesome thing about starting your Christmas planning in October is that you can do extra fun things like making your own hand and foot print wrapping paper with the kids(without stressing!). We had so much fun doing this last month, and now that I've got most of the gifts finished and wrapped up, I can go ahead and share.

This was a messy job.

 

But greatly enjoyed by all. 

 Yes, you can totally see my child's ribs there. I do feed him adequately, promise.

Let me just point out that I'm SO. GLAD. that I went ahead and got the washable paint like the man at Michael's suggested. I was thinking, "Eh, they'll just get some on their hands and feet, and we'll be able to rinse it off before it dries- no biggie if we don't get washable." I was So. Wrong.

I think someone had fun. 

By the time we were done, we ended up with four large sheets of gift wrap. I'm hoping that will be enough to wrap all the gifts that we're giving this year(gifts for our immediate little family will be wrapped in something else), but if not, I have a little extra (washable!) paint on stand by. 

I'm really pleased with how the gifts turned out! I went all out and got gift boxes to put the irregularly shaped gifts in, and then wrapped each one with the handprinted paper. I used red yarn(to enhance the crafty feel, of course) to tie around each gift, and then embellished them with a sparkly snowflake ornament from Target and some personalized photo gift tags that I got from Paper Coterie. 

I just love how they turned out! I hope all our family does too. The only downside- now I've got to come up with something to top this for next year!

Are you doing anything crafty for Christmas this year? I'd love to see what you've got going sofar! Share a link below or on my Facebook page. 

Proud Mommy Moment- Hayden's Riding a Real Bike!

I think one of the best feelings in the world has to be mommy pride- when you're just so proud of something your child has done that you feel like your heart will burst! I had a moment like that on Saturday and I wanted to share it with you.

 

 

Last Christmas we got both kids balance bikes. Best money we've probably ever spent on something for the kids. They absolutely loved them! Hayden was 3.5 when she got hers and learned quickly how to ride it. At first she was upset because it didn't have pedals like her tricycle did, but thanks to the wonders of the Internet, I was able to show her some YouTube videos of kids riding on balance bikes, and she figured it out pretty easily. She was riding within the day, and after a couple of months she had learned how to go really fast and could lift her feet up and coast for long distances.

 

 

The whole point of a balance bike is that it teaches kids the hard skill, balancing, first in an easy and safe way. Once a kid can balance on a bike, it's easy for them to learn how to pedal, and thus be able to ride a regular bike. (There are many, many other benefits to balance bikes, but I'll leave it at that for now.)

 

 

So this weekend on the way home from ballet class, I stopped by a couple of garage sales, and picked up a little pedal bike for just $10. Hayden was sooooo excited. We took it home and tried it out right away. I couldn't believe how quickly she picked it up! I held onto her back to help her balance and get started, but then she pedaled away from me and rode all on her own! It only took a couple of tries for her to be able to get started on her own too, and then she was riding an actual pedal bike(with no training wheels!) completely independently!

 

 

 

We had only made it halfway down our street when she said, "Mom, we can go ahead and find someone else that needs my other bike(meaning her tricycle)". Needless to say, she's pretty thrilled about her new bike- and I'm so proud! I couldn't believe how quickly she picked it up, or that a four year old could ride a pedal bike with no training wheels! As if I wasn't already a big believer in balance bikes, this totally sealed the deal for me. (I keep telling Thad that I won't be surprised at all if tricycles are obsolete in 20 or 30 years- balance bikes are just that much more awesome!)

 

 

I as going to add a video, but apparently I either can't or don't know how, so you're going to have to use your imagination.

She's having so much fun, and now that the weather's finally cooled down a little, we've been riding bikes just about every day!

 

I know I'm not the only one with a super proud mommy moment- what have your kids been doing lately that makes you burst with pride?

 

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Remembering Great Grandma

I'm thousands of feet in the air right now, heading back home to Houston from Charleston, West Virginia. I left my babies for longer than a night for the first time ever, and I can't wait to get back to them!!! At the same time, I'm so grateful to have had the opportunity to take this trip and attend my great grandmother's funeral, and also spend some time with my grandmother.




Fair warning- this post is going to be pretty personal. My great grandmother was a really special person in my life, and I feel the need to share a little bit about her as my own personal tribute. If no one finds it interesting, that's okay. But I do think she had a pretty neat story that you might enjoy, and there are some pretty special five generation photos near the end that I think are pretty cool.





My great grandma, Doris, had such an amazing life story. She was born in 1919, and met my great grandpa, Preston, on a streetcar! They secretly eloped when she was just 19 years old, and didn't even tell anyone they had married until a month later! They were so in love, and it showed, even after decades. When my great grandfather passed away in 2006, they had just celebrated 68 years of marriage, and we're still very much in love. I've always treasured this picture of them from 1938- doesn't it look like it's straight out of a movie?

Doris didn't have an easy life. Her mother passed away when she was a teenager, and she was left to help raise her younger siblings, who she became like a mother to. Her first daughter, my grandmother, went blind at two years old. The first doctor they took her to thought it was cancer and wanted to remove her eyes right away. Doris was smart enough to get a second opinion, and my grandmother's sight eventually recovered. She's struggled with vision issues her whole life, but that's much better than having no eyes at all!





Doris' third daughter, Kathy, was a dwarf. When Kathy was born, the doctors encouraged Doris and Preston to put her in a home for children, as they were sure she wouldn't live longer than 8 years or so. The doctors didn't think it was a good idea to add the burden of a special needs child to the family. Of course, Doris wouldn't stand for that. She and Preston brought their daughter home, got her the care that she needed, and the entire family was better for it. Not only did Kathy live past childhood, but she was one of the happiest people that you could ever meet. She brought so much joy into the lives of everyone she was around. Kathy did a lot of volunteer work with the Meals on Wheels program in Charleston to bring meals to invalids, and won several awards for her charity work. She lived to be 50 years old and touched so many lives- all because her mother believed that her life was valuable and refused to give up on her. That's love! Through all her struggles, Doris clung tightly to her faith and never lost her joy. She would always give thanks and praise to the Lord for helping her through them.



I have so, so many fond memories of my great grandmother. Her house was one of my favorite places in the world. From the big shower that had great acoustics for singing, to the kitchen table where so many wonderful meals were shared, to the attic apartment that had that wonderful, unique smell that I'll never forget- that house was so full of love and fun, and great grandma always did everything she could to make sure that we all felt welcome there. When I was a kid, one of my favorite things to eat was cottage cheese with peaches on top, and she always made sure she had plenty of that when she knew I was coming to visit. She'd also make sure to have a blackberry pie ready when my dad came to visit- those were his absolute favorite! Some of my favorite memories were made in that house. It was really hard to leave today, knowing that it would be the last time I'd ever be there. The house is too big for just one person to live in now, and my grandma plans to sell it.

In 2009 I had the incredible experience of bringing Hayden to Charleston and introducing her to her great-great grandmother. It was so amazing to see them together.

They both used walkers, and Hayden loved to follow Doris around with hers.

It was so neat to see Hayden in the same house where I had made so many memories as a child. Somewhere I have a video of me playing in this same window bed where Hayden is here.

My mom and grandma were both there when Hayden and I were visiting, and we had a photographer come out to the house and take some 5 generation pictures. Would you believe that each daughter here is not only the first child of each mother, but was born when the mother was 22 years old? I couldn't make this up if I tried!

Hayden and her great-great grandmother, at 11.5 months and 90 years old. Aren't they cute together?

 Of course, we took lots of pictures ourselves too, even after the photographer left. This one is one of my favorites- Hayden with her grandmother, her great grandmother, and her great-great grandmother. Can't you just tell they're all crazy about her?

I'll miss my great grandmother so much- I already do! It's hard to believe that after so long, she's finally gone. I do love knowing that she's finally reunited with her dear husband and youngest daughter, and who knows- maybe she's already baked another blackberry pie for my dad by now. I don't know exactly how everything works in heaven, but I'm sure that they're all having a wonderful time up there. One thing I know for sure is that she's not suffering from the terrible pain she endured in the last part of her life anymore, and I know we're all thankful for that.



I love you, grandma! I'm so thankful to have had you in my life, for all the love that you shared, encouragement given, and lessons taught. You'll be sorely missed. Rest in peace. <3

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Still nursing. Still loving it.

Nursing is normal. You know what else is normal? Nursing a toddler. Nursing a preschooler is normal too. It's biologically normal, developmentally normal, and historically normal. It also works really well for me and my son. So why would I stop nursing him just because it's not socially normal for me to continue? I don't make a habit out of making decisions based on what society thinks of me, especially when it comes to the well being of my children.

 

 

I think some people assume that a toddler nurses just like an infant does, but that's just not true. At this point, it's really not a big deal. We don't make a grand ceremony about it. I nurse him down to sleep every night, and every morning he climbs into my bed looking for his num nums. We snuggle and nurse for 5 or 10 minutes, and then he declares that he's "all done" and runs off to ask Daddy for a bananna. Nursing is just a lovely part of his morning routine. We don't nurse much during the day anymore, only every once in a while. We have healthy boundaries set too. If he wakes up in the middle of the night(which happens occasionally, but not often), he may nurse, but not all night. If he gets upset about that, I comfort him, but he still doesn't get to nurse all night. If he asks to nurse during the day, and I'm not able to nurse him for whatever reason, I say, "Sorry buddy, not right now", and he says, "Awww, man!" and moves on with his day. But most days, we only nurse first thing in the morning and as the last thing before he goes to bed.


 

 

Extended breastfeeding has amazing health benefits. My breastmilk is still boosting his immune system and helping keep his gut healthy. My breastmilk still contains the cancer killing properties that it did when he was an infant. My breastmilk is still helping prevent my chances of developing breast cancer, and the longer I nurse, the lower that risk goes! My breast milk is also helping boost his brain- studies have shown that the longer a child is nursed, the more intelligent they are. Breastmilk is still the perfect food that it was when he was an infant, and it's changed along with him to provide just what he needs at this stage of his life. It's amazing!

 

 

The psychological benefits are awesome too. Tristan and I have an amazing bond, and he's secure in the knowledge that I'll always be there for him. He's such a happy kid, and rarely gets upset enough to throw a fit or do other "terrible twos" things that are talked about. He's independent and adventurous, and loves to climb. He has a wonderful imagination, and is constantly pretending with his toys. He has a huge vocabulary, and often uses words like "actually" in context, like that's a completely normal thing for someone his age to do. He's cherished and well loved by everyone that knows him. Of course, breastfeeding doesn't get all the credit for that, but I do believe that nursing has had a big part in helping him become the awesome little toddler that he is. At the very least, it's clear that it's not hindering his development in any way.

 

 

And on that note, Tristan and I have reached 2.5 years of nursing as of last week! I'm so proud of us! We've achieved and exceeded the goal that I set when he was born, which was to nurse for two years. I dare say that if things continue the way they're headed, we'll have no problem making it to three.

 

 

Still going strong, still loving nursing!

 

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A Lesson in Spilled Milk

Ever had one of those moments when your innocent child teaches you so much about life that it just astounds you?

The other day, I was in the middle of serving lunch when Hayden accidentally spilled some of her milk. In true four year old fashion, she started to melt down over it. In her world, this was a big deal! Now she wouldn't have any milk to drink, there was milk all over the table where she was trying to eat, and lunch was generally ruined. Definitely worth a big freakout. In my own shortcoming, I was getting frustrated with the over the top reactions to everything, but then I had an idea that I thought might help. I called her over into the kitchen where I was, calmed her down a little bit, and then said, "Can I ask you a question?" She agreed, so I said, "Have you ever had a problem that I couldn't fix for you?" She shook her head no. Then I said, "Watch this!" I took her cup and handed her a dish rag. I wiped off her cup and refilled it while she wiped down the table. Everything was good as new! 

Photo Credit

I called her over to me again, and said, "Did you see how I fixed that for you? It's all good as new now, right?" She nodded, and I continued, "So see, whenever you have a problem, you don't always have to freak out and start crying. If you just remember that I can help you when you have a problem, you can come ask me for help and I'll help you fix it, okay?" 

Before I even got the words out of my mouth, I could feel that nudge in my heart, reminding me that my Heavenly Father is saying the same thing to me. How many times do I encounter a problem and throw myself straight into a grownup freak out fit, not remembering that if I would just ask Him, He would take care of it for me? I could almost hear Him saying, "Have you ever had a problem that I couldn't fix for you?" Of course not! Even in the middle of my biggest, most cry-myself-to-sleep, life altering problems, He's been right there with me and has seen me through. Of course He's more than able to fix any problem for me- often in a way that I never could have imagined myself. So why do I find it so hard to remember to trust first in Him, instead of imagining the multitude of ways that my life could go wrong? 

Maybe this little reminder was more for me than it was for her. 

Quiet Time- The Super Sanity Saver!

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Just one simple concept has totally revolutionized my life. Seriously! Who knew that something as simple as a daily quiet time could brighten my entire day, and my entire outlook on life??? I sure didn't, or you'd better believe I would have started this a long time ago!





You see, my kids don't nap. I dunno why, but they've always been the kids on the low end of the "sleep needed" spectrum. They both dropped down to one nap around 12 months, and both stopped napping completely around 19 months. I know- that's really early. Tell me about it. This means that from morning until bedtime at night, I've had at least one kid awake that entire time for almost 2.5 years now. It's been exhausting! Being an introvert has only made the problem worse. As an introvert, I need alone time like I need oxygen, so with the kids up all day I'd then stay up late after they went to bed to get some alone time. Then I'd be tired the next day from staying up too late, and then I'd be grumpy and get frustrated with the kids more easily, which would lead to me REALLY needing alone time at the end of the day. And then I'd stay up too late again. It's been a really vicious, exhausting cycle.





I'd always dismissed the quiet time idea as something that wouldn't really work for us, or that would be too hard to implement, or something we didn't really need. Ha! The other day I was complaining to my friend about how exhausting motherhood was, and how it would be so much easier if the kids would just take a nap. She brought up the quiet time idea, and again, I blew it off. But the next day the kids were going crazy, and I had to pull them off of each other for what seemed like the millionth time, and I decided to just give it a try.





"Okay, guys, it's quiet time now!!!"





They looked at me inquisitively. Then they actually got excited! Tristan said, "It's quiet time?" "Yep, buddy, it's quiet time. Quiet time means that Hayden is going to play in Hayden's room, and Tristan is going to play in Tristan's room. You guys will each play quietly in your room until I tell you that quiet time is over."





And it actually worked! I couldn't believe it. They actually (mostly)stayed in their rooms and played quietly! I can't even tell you how wonderful it is to have some peace and quiet! To have a little break in the middle of the day when I'm not having to play referee, or entertain someone, or listen to screaming is just AMAZING. The first day, quiet time lasted about 25 minutes, but after a couple of days of practice, quiet time yesterday lasted for a whole hour! A whole hour to myself in the middle of the day! It's seriously one of the best things that's happened to me in a long time.





I'm getting time in the middle of the day to relax, recharge, and regroup, which means that by the time the kids go to bed, I can just finish out my day, relax a little bit, and then go to bed at a decent hour. No more staying up late because I'm absolutely starved for alone time! I've actually been going to bed at a decent hour, which means that in the mornings I'm actually in a good mood! I've actually been waking up feeling optimistic about the day- knowing that if I throw myself into doing activities with the kids and taking care of housework I'll get a break in the middle of the day.





I can't even explain how much of an impact this has had on my outlook in general. I had NO IDEA that just a simple daily quiet time could make me feel so much happier about my life. If I had known, I would have started this years ago! If you have small kids that don't nap anymore, I highly recommend that you teach them to have a daily quiet time. If you're anything like me, you'll totally thank yourself!

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Craziness in my Absence

So, yeah. I've been a little MIA on this blog the past couple of weeks. Sorry about that! Unfortunately, when things get crazy around here, blogging is one of the first things that gets pushed onto the back burner. I'm not thrilled about it, but that's just the way it is right now with Thad so busy with the church plant. It'll all be worth it though, and I love my life! I thought I'd use this post to share a bit about what's been going on while I've been away from the blog.

 

My aunt and uncle came to visit two weeks ago. I totally forgot they were coming. Oops! I got a call from my aunt on Friday night: "So, we can't wait to see you on Sunday night!" I was like, "Uhhhh- what?" Haha- niece of the year award right here. They only stayed two nights before they headed off to a European cruise(so jealous!!!), but we had a great visit with them. We got some shopping in(we always shop when my aunt comes in town- I love it!) and had a nice family lunch at Pappasitos. While we were at the mall, I stopped by the restroom area to see if the nursing symbol I put up was still there. Sure was! It looked a little bent up, like someone had tried to remove it or see how it had been attached, but I made it sturdy enough to withstand a little messing with, and it's still going strong! Yay!!!

 

Then PMS hit. I've written about how GAPS has drastically improved my PMS(probably more like PMDD, if I'd ever gotten an actual diagnosis, not that it actually matters at this point), and it has, but for whatever reason this month was worse than the last couple. I just felt down in the dumps, irritable, and irrational. Minor disturbances had me considering drastic measures. There was lots of negative self talk going on in my head, and just general mental and emotional lethargicness- and that was at the good moments. Thankfully, I know myself well enough to know that all of that was just hormones talking, and I'd make it through just fine within a week or so, and be back to normal. I still wasn't feeling healthy enough to be writing anything worth reading, unless you want to read stuff that's going to leave you scratching your head or feeling depressed. Blog got pushed to the back burner- and you should be glad about that one.

 

 

Just as I was getting over the PMS, Hayden's birthday rolled around. I can't believe she's four years old already!!! It's been interesting watching myself grow up with her. Her birth was the start of a whole new chapter in my life, and I literally don't recognise the person that I look back on before she was born. I'm a completely different person now- and proud of who I've become. But enough about me- it was Hayden's birthday!

 

 

We celebrated with a low key party at the bowling alley. Thad's mom was there, and my pregnant sister and her husband and little boy. A friend from church and her daughter came too. It was just a small party- since we've been here less than a year, Hayden doesn't go to school, and one car keeps us from getting out much, Hayden doesn't have a lot of little friends to invite yet. But she still had a blast, and that's the most important thing when it comes to birthday parties, right? We'll try to have more of an actual party next year.

 

 

It was both kids' first time bowling, and they totally loved it. Tristan couldn't stop squealing excitedly. I don't think I've ever seen him more excited about something! The bowling alley had ball slides for little kids, and they were so cool! I've never seen them before, but they were just perfect for my little ones. Such a great idea.

 

The excitement wore off pretty quickly since Hayden knew there was CAKE to be had!!! The kids have been grain and sugar free since the beginning of February, so cake is a pretty rare treat around here! I made cupcakes for Tristan's birthday, but this is the first cake I've made for them, so Hayden was pretty excited. (It's actually the first cake I've had since going gluten free, so in about a year and a half. Wow!) It tasted great, and even the SAD eating guests enjoyed it. Unfortunately, I confirmed my suspicion that I can't tolerate cocoa. Bummer. I wonder if that's something I can cure with GAPS, or if I'll never enjoy chocolate again. Wouldn't that be sad? Honestly though, as much as I was addicted to chocolate before, I'm willing to give it up forever if I have to do that to be rid of my health issues! The kids had some minor reactions to the cocoa too- I think we'll be avoiding it completely for a while. Hayden says she wants a strawberry cake when she turns 5, so I think we'll be in the clear!

 

 

Hayden got the gift that she wanted most of all- roller skates! She was so, so excited when she opened them. I'm sure it will take her a while to get the hang of actually gliding, but she's having fun practicing!

 

 

 

Thad's mom refinished a little table and chairs for Hayden's room. They are so cute! Hayden's been wanting a table and chairs for a while now. She and Tristan have played on them every day- mostly "pizza party".

 

 

Other than that, life's just been busy! Our church's one year anniversary is coming up at the end of this month, and Thad has been really busy preparing for that. I'm so excited for the celebration service! We've officially been having church services for a year now! It seems like a lot longer than that. It's so wonderful to see my husband finally walking in his calling and doing something that he truly loves. He's being used in a big way to change lives and grow the kingdom, and I'm so proud of him. And the church is growing! We're averaging between 60 and 75 people every Sunday morning, and the sense of community has really blossomed. It actually feels like a real church now, and has for about 3 or 4 months. So exciting to see!

 

 

 

Last but not least: my exciting news! I'm officially registered with Childbirth International and studying to be certified as a birth doula! I'm so, so, so excited!!! I'm finally taking a concrete step towards my dream!

 

Obviously, it's not realistic for me to attend births right now. We have one car, and we're just over a year into our church plant. Thad is extremely busy with both the church and his other job. It's totally unrealistic for me to be on call in any capacity right now. But what I can do right now is study! We're expecting Thad's schedule to open up within the next couple of years, and hoping to get another car a lot sooner than that. At the beginning of this year, I got to thinking- while I'm waiting for life to slow down enough for me to be able to attend births, why not get the studying out of the way! I'm at a point in my life where I'm wanting to take charge of the direction that I'm headed. I don't want to just sit around and wait for things to happen. So I'm not very excited to say that I'm taking the first step towards becoming a birth doula!








It might take me a while to finish, but that's ok. Right now, I'm just happy to be taking a step in the right direction. Since I'm the only one home with the kids most of the time, it'll take some creativity to fit in study time, but I'll find a way. The great thing is that I have three years to finish the course, so there's no hurry. I think I'm most excited about the books I'll have to read- there's a 27 page list of books that I can choose from to meet my reading requirement. Totally stoked about that. I can't wait to see what all I'll learn, and to start attending births at some point in the not-too-distant future!

 

Sorry this was a bit scatterbrained. I feel a bit scatterbrained right now with all that's going on! I don't have a good ending for this post, and I want to hurry up and get it up, so I'll leave you with this picture I got of me and the kids on Hayden's birthday. I'm so thankful to be their mommy!