I've been waiting until I could get permission from the momma to share, and now I'm free to announce- as of last weekend I've had my first official doula experience! And boy was it an experience- I was with the momma for 30 hours straight, including a planned home birth turned hospital transfer. I'm so thankful that this momma was being cared for by a super skilled midwife who puts a priority on safety. I'm also thankful that she got great care at the hospital and was able to avoid a c/section like she was hoping.
The whole process was a great learning experience for me. It's one thing to read about the challenges and experiences of being a doula, and it's another to actually experience them. (And I'm saying that after just one experience- I'm sure I'd feel even differently after more!) I definitely have a new respect for the wonderful women that are full time doulas, for the sacrifices that they make, and even a new understanding for the reasons they charge what they do!
I knew it would be challenging to be on call 24/7, and it really was. I was constantly checking my phone to make sure I hadn't missed any calls. I had to miss an event that I was wanting to go to because going to it would have put me too far away from the momma if she had needed me right away. One day, I lost my phone for about 5 minutes, and had a mini-panic attack trying to find it. (Nevermind the fact that I had given her Thad's number too as a backup, I was still frantic that I couldn't find mine!)
One thing I learned is to ask for details whenever the expectant mom or dad calls to ask you to come. I just said, "Okay, I'll be there as fast as I can!", instead of asking how long and far apart contractions were, if she was still talking through them, etc. If I had known I didn't necessarily have to rush right over ASAP, I would have taken a quick shower first. My hair would have appreciated that 30 hours later. ;)
I'm not going to give details since it's not my birth to share, but like I said earlier, we did end up having to transport to the hospital. I wasn't expecting that to bring up so much emotion for me, but it did. I was definitely having flashbacks to our own hospital transport with Tristan just hours after he was born. I'm confident that my feelings didn't effect the level of support I was able to offer, so no worries there, but those are definitely things I want to take some time to process more between now and the next birth I attend.
Another big thing I learned was that it takes time to process each birth. Doulas are present for life changing moments, and even when there's a perfect outcome, birth is still a big deal and still a lot for someone to process. The day after I got home(and slept the rest of that day), I was still feeling pretty out of it emotionally. I don't know how to describe it, except that it felt a little like I had given birth too. It seems a little creepy to me to say that, and I don't mean it in a creepy way, or in a way that would take any of the credit away from the mom for the amazing job she did. And I obviously don't have a baby to take home. But just by going through that process with her, and being present for that intense, life changing moment- it's definitely a lot to process. I don't know how you ever get used to that! The good news is that it took me less time with this birth to get back to feeling "normal" than it did with Jessica's birth in April, so maybe it is something that you can get used to, at least to some extent.
I was also able to chat with a doula friend over the phone a couple of days after the birth, and that was really helpful. I'm thankful that she took the time to do that with me. She shared some of her experiences with me, and how she's had to take some time to process birth experiences too- and even felt like she needed therapy a time or two after a rough experience! I can definitely see that. If this is something that I continue to do on a regular basis, my processing skills are going to have to get really good!
I don't mean for all of that to sound negative, and it wasn't a negative experience at all. Intense? Totally. Negative? Definitely not. It was beautiful experience- to see this woman's family rally around her in support, to see the tears from everyone as the baby was born, the fun of finding out the sex of the baby, the wonderful surprise of a homebirth transfer momma getting great care in a hospital- it was a wonderful experience. I'm so thankful, blessed, and honored to have been a part of this family's process, and to be able to help and support them through their journey. I have such a heart for empowering women and mothers, and to be able to do that in a tangible, practical way was just wonderful.
Showing posts with label Home birth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Home birth. Show all posts
Friday, February 15, 2013
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
The Pieces Were Always There.
Twenty six years ago, I was born unassisted at home in a little second floor apartment in Largo, Florida. Yeah, my parents were a little crazy. My mom didn't even decide that she wanted to have me at home until labor had already started. One of my parents' paramedic friends dropped off an emergency childbirth kit, but he couldn't stay because he'd lose his job if he did and something went wrong. But of course, nothing went wrong. I was born just fine into my daddy's hands. They even took pictures, actual birth photos of me crowning and everything- but I'll spare you the graphic ones.
Twenty two years ago, I was a four year old little girl who had just become a big sister. I came super close to being in the room when she was born, but I chickened out at the last minute and decided to spend my time in the waiting room, coloring and playing with my brand new Lite Brite- the one that I had picked out during a rushed pit stop at Toys-R-Us before we headed to the hospital. Yep- the same mom that chose to have an unassisted homebirth with me chose to birth my sister at the hospital- and said afterwards that she much preferred the homebirth. Go figure. After my sister came home, I loved to pretend I was a little mommy. I even nursed my baby dolls.
Eighteen years ago, I was an eight year old little girl that was totally fascinated with pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, and infant care. I'd spend hours reading the books that my mother had collected during her pregnancy with my sister. There was While Waiting, with the fascinating diagrams in the front showing the position of the baby and the growth of the uterus through the months of pregnancy. Then there was the baby book that shall remain unnamed- because it was used so much that it broke into 4 different pieces and the cover went missing. I learned how to bathe a newborn, breastfeeding basics, how to sterilize bottles, and basic developmental milestones.
Five years ago, I was newly pregnant with my first and starting to look into birth options. Little did I know the world that I would soon become completely immersed in. I thought I was just researching my options for my upcoming birth, but what I was really doing was uncovering a passion. I soaked up as much information as I could, and I continue to do that until this day.
Three years ago, I was on a family vacation in Oregon and pregnant with my second, when I had a divine dream. I was trying to survive my way through life, knowing that my husband was called to ministry within the church, and thinking that that's what I was supposed to do as well. As much as I loved birth, I didn't think that birth work could be a calling- and didn't I want to serve God with my life? (ha!) Then as we were on this trip, I had a dream that I believe was truly from God. I was helping a friend of mine through labor. I was praying over her, supporting her, encouraging her. I was the only one there that knew how to help her, and I confidently stepped in like I knew exactly what I was doing(and I did!). I was still just barely starting to figure out who I was at that point in my life, so to have a dream where I was so totally confident and comfortable in who I was and what I was doing was incredibly inspiring. The revelation that birth work could be a calling, a gifting, a ministry? Wow. From that moment on I began to explore the idea that maybe this was what I was supposed to do. All the pieces had been there, I just needed to put them together.
Two and a half years ago, I gave birth to my son in my own bed, in my own home, with the late afternoon sunlight streaming through the three huge windows in my bedroom. That experience changed me forever. It was the start of something amazing. It empowered me, and I knew I had to help other women have a chance at that same experience.
Eleven and a half months ago, I decided to stop just waiting around until circumstances allowed me to start doing birth work, and actually DO something with the time while I was waiting. I saved up for a couple of months, and then enrolled in the Childbirth International birth doula course. I started scouring Half Price Books and the library bookstore for childbirth and breastfeeding books, and built a pretty decent start to a lending library.
Seven months ago, I had the incredible honor of attending Jessica The Leaky B@@b's homebirth of her precious Arden. Oh wow. If there was any doubt how I felt about birth, about feeling called to this, about absolutely loving birth and everything to do with it, that was all wiped away in one night. It was incredible, simply incredible.
Two months ago, I offered to chat with a mom who was expecting for the first time, just mom-to-mom from someone with a little experience to someone doing this for the first time. I answered questions, validated concerns, and let her borrow some of my books. A couple of weeks later she called back and asked me if I wanted to be her doula. Did I?!?! Of course!!!
Just two days ago, the expectant momma and her husband sat in my living room for my first prenatal visit ever, and we talked about birth plans and options and what she wanted. Then she paid me. Two days ago, I made actual money doing this. It wasn't a lot, and it's a super small start, but it's still a milestone for me. For the first time, I've made money doing what I've dreamed about doing for so long. And next month, I'll have the incredible honor of being with this family as they welcome a brand new human being into their family. I can't imagine loving any job more.
Twenty two years ago, I was a four year old little girl who had just become a big sister. I came super close to being in the room when she was born, but I chickened out at the last minute and decided to spend my time in the waiting room, coloring and playing with my brand new Lite Brite- the one that I had picked out during a rushed pit stop at Toys-R-Us before we headed to the hospital. Yep- the same mom that chose to have an unassisted homebirth with me chose to birth my sister at the hospital- and said afterwards that she much preferred the homebirth. Go figure. After my sister came home, I loved to pretend I was a little mommy. I even nursed my baby dolls.
Eighteen years ago, I was an eight year old little girl that was totally fascinated with pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, and infant care. I'd spend hours reading the books that my mother had collected during her pregnancy with my sister. There was While Waiting, with the fascinating diagrams in the front showing the position of the baby and the growth of the uterus through the months of pregnancy. Then there was the baby book that shall remain unnamed- because it was used so much that it broke into 4 different pieces and the cover went missing. I learned how to bathe a newborn, breastfeeding basics, how to sterilize bottles, and basic developmental milestones.
Five years ago, I was newly pregnant with my first and starting to look into birth options. Little did I know the world that I would soon become completely immersed in. I thought I was just researching my options for my upcoming birth, but what I was really doing was uncovering a passion. I soaked up as much information as I could, and I continue to do that until this day.
Three years ago, I was on a family vacation in Oregon and pregnant with my second, when I had a divine dream. I was trying to survive my way through life, knowing that my husband was called to ministry within the church, and thinking that that's what I was supposed to do as well. As much as I loved birth, I didn't think that birth work could be a calling- and didn't I want to serve God with my life? (ha!) Then as we were on this trip, I had a dream that I believe was truly from God. I was helping a friend of mine through labor. I was praying over her, supporting her, encouraging her. I was the only one there that knew how to help her, and I confidently stepped in like I knew exactly what I was doing(and I did!). I was still just barely starting to figure out who I was at that point in my life, so to have a dream where I was so totally confident and comfortable in who I was and what I was doing was incredibly inspiring. The revelation that birth work could be a calling, a gifting, a ministry? Wow. From that moment on I began to explore the idea that maybe this was what I was supposed to do. All the pieces had been there, I just needed to put them together.
Two and a half years ago, I gave birth to my son in my own bed, in my own home, with the late afternoon sunlight streaming through the three huge windows in my bedroom. That experience changed me forever. It was the start of something amazing. It empowered me, and I knew I had to help other women have a chance at that same experience.
Eleven and a half months ago, I decided to stop just waiting around until circumstances allowed me to start doing birth work, and actually DO something with the time while I was waiting. I saved up for a couple of months, and then enrolled in the Childbirth International birth doula course. I started scouring Half Price Books and the library bookstore for childbirth and breastfeeding books, and built a pretty decent start to a lending library.
Seven months ago, I had the incredible honor of attending Jessica The Leaky B@@b's homebirth of her precious Arden. Oh wow. If there was any doubt how I felt about birth, about feeling called to this, about absolutely loving birth and everything to do with it, that was all wiped away in one night. It was incredible, simply incredible.
Two months ago, I offered to chat with a mom who was expecting for the first time, just mom-to-mom from someone with a little experience to someone doing this for the first time. I answered questions, validated concerns, and let her borrow some of my books. A couple of weeks later she called back and asked me if I wanted to be her doula. Did I?!?! Of course!!!
Just two days ago, the expectant momma and her husband sat in my living room for my first prenatal visit ever, and we talked about birth plans and options and what she wanted. Then she paid me. Two days ago, I made actual money doing this. It wasn't a lot, and it's a super small start, but it's still a milestone for me. For the first time, I've made money doing what I've dreamed about doing for so long. And next month, I'll have the incredible honor of being with this family as they welcome a brand new human being into their family. I can't imagine loving any job more.
Posted with BlogsyWednesday, August 8, 2012
The Glorious Body
Ecclesiastes 7:1
A good name is better than precious ointment; and the day of death than the day of one's birth.
That scripture sums up a big question I've had for some time now- you know the kind- a big inconsistency that just knaws at your soul until you figure it out. Something that just doesn't make sense. I finally got an answer, and it's been totally transformative for me.
Okay, so in church I've been taught a number of things about the "flesh". That it's bad. Flesh is bad, spirit is good. Feed your spirit and starve your flesh so that you can grow closer to God. Then there's the famous: "You are a spirit, you have a soul, you live in a body"- as if the body was no more important than a set of clothes or a car to drive in.
Those things all make sense on some level. Of course our sin nature is not something good or something to indulge. But the more experiences I've had in life, the less I've resonated with the above statements, and I couldn't figure out why.
If the body is something bad, or at least inconsequential, then why is my own experience telling me that physical things are extremely important? I look back on Tristan's birth as one of the single most empowering, life altering experiences of my life. But why? Why is something as inherently physical as birth so transformative? I'm not the only one that's had that kind of experience. I haven't written about this yet, but the experience of breastfeeding Tristan, especially as he's gotten older, has caused me to do some deep introspection and has altered the way that I experience relationships as a whole. Why would something as physical as breastfeeding affect my soul so deeply and teach me so much about myself? Why is there something magical about the touch of human skin on human skin? On the flip side of the coin- why can physical violations be so soul shattering? Why can an assault against the physical body be so emotionally, mentally, and psychologically damaging?
These were questions that were haunting me- and yet they were so deep within my soul that I hadn't even given voice to them. And you know how the Lord has that wonderful way of answering before we even ask for something? Out of the blue one Sunday, during the sermon at church, my eyes were opened and I saw clearly the answer to these nagging inconsistencies.
The message was titled, "Heaven: A Land That You Know." It began with a C.S. Lewis quote:
“If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.”
Then Thad talked about some of the common misconceptions of what heaven might be like. One common one has been that we'd be floating around on a cloud playing a harp all day long. That doesn't sound like fun to me. Cloud floating is not an innate desire that we all have- but if heaven is real then shouldn't we find within ourselves a God given desire for it? Other people have said that we'll just be worshiping 24/7, like a perpetual church service. Church is often amazing, but that's honestly not something anyone wants to do forever and ever. Some people speculate that we'll all just be spirits floating around up there.
And that's when it really started to get real. He went on to explain that heaven will be a physical place, referencing the scriptures about the New Jerusalem. Then he talked about the 7 dwelling places of God over time:
1. Garden of Eden
2. The Tabernacle
3. The Temple
4. Jesus
5. The church (as in His spirit dwelling in us)
6. The re-built temple(future)
7. Eternity/A return to the Garden of Eden
The point was that each of those have been a physical dwelling place, and that heaven will be an actual physical place. We'll have physical bodies there. We'll know each other and have relationships with other people- but in such a deep way that we can't even imagine it now.
Then he went to the scripture I quoted at the very beginning of this post- it says that the day of one's death is greater than the day of birth. Gosh, that threw me. As someone who knows firsthand just how glorious birth can be- and then to say that death is even greater? How can that be???
Then it hit me. God is physical. God created it that way. Not just as a default for the time we're on earth. We're physical beings just as much as we're spiritual beings. Yes, God is a spirit, but He's Father, Son and Holy Ghost- and Jesus is a physical body!!! When He created Adam and Eve, and put them in the only perfect place this world has seen, he put them in a garden! It doesn't get much more tangible than that. A garden- what greater place could there be to see growth and life and birth??? And get this- they were naked. And they weren't ashamed. There was nothing shameful about their bodies- it was just them, who they were. It wasn't until after the fall that the body started to be covered up.
So that's what I'm figuring out- that our bodies are not something inherently bad. Yes, we all have a sin nature, but that's only because of the fall. Our bodies were initially created to be something glorious. And when we get to heaven, our bodies aren't done away with. We don't become purely spiritual beings. When we get to heaven, we trade our fallen bodies for a glorified body- a perfect body not under the curse of sin!!!
That's how the day of death can be greater than the day of birth- because we'll finally be complete. Not because we leave behind our physical body, but because it's glorified. We'll finally be in the perfect place, with perfect physical bodies. We'll have a pure spirit, soul, and body for the first time ever, and we'll be able exist fully, completely for the first time.
This is why our physical experiences here on earth can be so incredibly life changing! It's not a weird thing that happens even though our bodies are "sinful"- it's exactly how God created it to be! God made us to experience things physically. It's His plan. And I believe that when we follow the design of how He created our bodies to work as closely as we can, we see more of Him. The closer we can follow the design that he created, and respect the way that our bodies were intended to be used, the greater potential for a positive, spiritual, transformative experience. I know for me personally, my home birth was the closest thing to a supernatural experience I've ever had. That's not an anomaly- it's exactly how He designed it.
He designed us to have physical experiences. He intended for the soft touch of skin on skin to be comforting. He intended for perfect musical harmonies to be able to touch our soul and remind us of Him. He intended for a beautiful sunset to inspire us. He intended for a husband and a wife to know each other in a deep, intimate, physical way- and for that to be simultaneously physical and spiritual. He intended for not just babies, but mothers to be born through the act of childbirth. He intended for the inherently physical, tangible act of breastfeeding to affect both our bodies and our souls. And He intends for us to live with him in eternity- in a glorified, perfect, physical state!
A good name is better than precious ointment; and the day of death than the day of one's birth.
That scripture sums up a big question I've had for some time now- you know the kind- a big inconsistency that just knaws at your soul until you figure it out. Something that just doesn't make sense. I finally got an answer, and it's been totally transformative for me.
Okay, so in church I've been taught a number of things about the "flesh". That it's bad. Flesh is bad, spirit is good. Feed your spirit and starve your flesh so that you can grow closer to God. Then there's the famous: "You are a spirit, you have a soul, you live in a body"- as if the body was no more important than a set of clothes or a car to drive in.
Those things all make sense on some level. Of course our sin nature is not something good or something to indulge. But the more experiences I've had in life, the less I've resonated with the above statements, and I couldn't figure out why.
If the body is something bad, or at least inconsequential, then why is my own experience telling me that physical things are extremely important? I look back on Tristan's birth as one of the single most empowering, life altering experiences of my life. But why? Why is something as inherently physical as birth so transformative? I'm not the only one that's had that kind of experience. I haven't written about this yet, but the experience of breastfeeding Tristan, especially as he's gotten older, has caused me to do some deep introspection and has altered the way that I experience relationships as a whole. Why would something as physical as breastfeeding affect my soul so deeply and teach me so much about myself? Why is there something magical about the touch of human skin on human skin? On the flip side of the coin- why can physical violations be so soul shattering? Why can an assault against the physical body be so emotionally, mentally, and psychologically damaging?
These were questions that were haunting me- and yet they were so deep within my soul that I hadn't even given voice to them. And you know how the Lord has that wonderful way of answering before we even ask for something? Out of the blue one Sunday, during the sermon at church, my eyes were opened and I saw clearly the answer to these nagging inconsistencies.
The message was titled, "Heaven: A Land That You Know." It began with a C.S. Lewis quote:
“If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.”
Then Thad talked about some of the common misconceptions of what heaven might be like. One common one has been that we'd be floating around on a cloud playing a harp all day long. That doesn't sound like fun to me. Cloud floating is not an innate desire that we all have- but if heaven is real then shouldn't we find within ourselves a God given desire for it? Other people have said that we'll just be worshiping 24/7, like a perpetual church service. Church is often amazing, but that's honestly not something anyone wants to do forever and ever. Some people speculate that we'll all just be spirits floating around up there.
And that's when it really started to get real. He went on to explain that heaven will be a physical place, referencing the scriptures about the New Jerusalem. Then he talked about the 7 dwelling places of God over time:
1. Garden of Eden
2. The Tabernacle
3. The Temple
4. Jesus
5. The church (as in His spirit dwelling in us)
6. The re-built temple(future)
7. Eternity/A return to the Garden of Eden
The point was that each of those have been a physical dwelling place, and that heaven will be an actual physical place. We'll have physical bodies there. We'll know each other and have relationships with other people- but in such a deep way that we can't even imagine it now.
Then he went to the scripture I quoted at the very beginning of this post- it says that the day of one's death is greater than the day of birth. Gosh, that threw me. As someone who knows firsthand just how glorious birth can be- and then to say that death is even greater? How can that be???
Then it hit me. God is physical. God created it that way. Not just as a default for the time we're on earth. We're physical beings just as much as we're spiritual beings. Yes, God is a spirit, but He's Father, Son and Holy Ghost- and Jesus is a physical body!!! When He created Adam and Eve, and put them in the only perfect place this world has seen, he put them in a garden! It doesn't get much more tangible than that. A garden- what greater place could there be to see growth and life and birth??? And get this- they were naked. And they weren't ashamed. There was nothing shameful about their bodies- it was just them, who they were. It wasn't until after the fall that the body started to be covered up.
So that's what I'm figuring out- that our bodies are not something inherently bad. Yes, we all have a sin nature, but that's only because of the fall. Our bodies were initially created to be something glorious. And when we get to heaven, our bodies aren't done away with. We don't become purely spiritual beings. When we get to heaven, we trade our fallen bodies for a glorified body- a perfect body not under the curse of sin!!!
That's how the day of death can be greater than the day of birth- because we'll finally be complete. Not because we leave behind our physical body, but because it's glorified. We'll finally be in the perfect place, with perfect physical bodies. We'll have a pure spirit, soul, and body for the first time ever, and we'll be able exist fully, completely for the first time.
This is why our physical experiences here on earth can be so incredibly life changing! It's not a weird thing that happens even though our bodies are "sinful"- it's exactly how God created it to be! God made us to experience things physically. It's His plan. And I believe that when we follow the design of how He created our bodies to work as closely as we can, we see more of Him. The closer we can follow the design that he created, and respect the way that our bodies were intended to be used, the greater potential for a positive, spiritual, transformative experience. I know for me personally, my home birth was the closest thing to a supernatural experience I've ever had. That's not an anomaly- it's exactly how He designed it.
He designed us to have physical experiences. He intended for the soft touch of skin on skin to be comforting. He intended for perfect musical harmonies to be able to touch our soul and remind us of Him. He intended for a beautiful sunset to inspire us. He intended for a husband and a wife to know each other in a deep, intimate, physical way- and for that to be simultaneously physical and spiritual. He intended for not just babies, but mothers to be born through the act of childbirth. He intended for the inherently physical, tangible act of breastfeeding to affect both our bodies and our souls. And He intends for us to live with him in eternity- in a glorified, perfect, physical state!
Thursday, May 24, 2012
The ordinary miracle: More thoughts on Arden's birth.
For about three years now, I've known that I'm supposed to work with birth. That's one reason I was so, so excited to attend Arden's birth. But as Thad came to pick me up from Jessica's house and we drove away, I was really surprised by how I felt. I thought I was going to have this euphoric, other-worldly feeling, and I didn't. I was happy, but I mostly felt tired. And hungry. I came home, cooked up some bacon and eggs(at 1AM) and stuffed myself silly, and then fell right into bed and crashed. I wondered if the lack of the euphoria that I had expected meant that I wasn't really called to birth work after all? I was too tired to really think about it much.
The next morning, however, was very different. I literally couldn't think about anything else. The fact that I had just witnessed, for the first time, a human life being brought into the world, totally consumed my thoughts and I knew I needed to process. I turned on a movie for the kids, and went into Hayden's room to get some quiet time. I turned on Sarah McLachlan's Ordinary Miracle, and just cried. I wrote out a whole page of thoughts and feelings. It felt really good to get it all out.
I wonder if it's like this for birth workers after every birth? Do you ever get used to it? Do you have to take time to process after every birth? Birth is so miraculous, and for most people, it's something they only get to experience a couple of times in their lifetime. What must it be like to be a witness and an assistant to the miraculous on a regular basis? Does that change your outlook on life? Does that change your attitude, your interactions, your choices?
That song, Ordinary Miracle, was one of the ones that Jessica chose for her labor playlist. She said that was a perfect song because it so perfectly describes the birth experience- both ordinary and miraculous. I couldn't agree more. Birth is miraculous- a brand new human being that never existed before is brough into the world, and a mother is made out of the woman that used to stand in her place. But birth is also very normal- it's simply a part of life that's been happening ever since humans have been around. Man and woman come together, a baby is created, and a new life comes into the world. It's the circle of life.
Isn't it remarkable?
Like every time a raindrop falls
It's just another ordinary miracle today.
I think that's the one thing that stood out to me most about Arden's birth- how perfecly normal it was. The house was so peaceful and buzzing with life. Jessica's older two daughters were baking in the kitchen. All the adults were talking and laughing between contractions. At one point, Jessica's oldest got ready and left to go teach a ballet class. There was no fear, no worries, no drama. Just a loving family ready to welcome a new member. As the video feed was turned on later on in the labor, several viewers commented that they thought it was so cool that Jessica's older daughters were there as their mom labored. Honestly, until they mentioned that, it hadn't even crossed my mind that that's something different than what a lot of people have. It seemed so normal to me to have them there. It seemed so normal to them that they were there. They were just there, helping, waiting, playing on my ipad. ;)
It was the same after the baby was born. Jessica's second daughter was the one one in there for the actual birth(Arden came out so quickly that the first and third daughters missed it- so sad!), but afterwards they all gathered around to meet their new sister. Seeing the family bonding together was so incredibly sweet! At one point, Jessica's third daughter asked if she could hold the baby. Jessica asked her to take her shirt off first so that she could be skin to skin with Arden. It brought tears to my eyes to see the sisters bonding that way.
After the placenta came out, the midwife examined it to make sure all the parts were there and that everything looked okay. The placenta- again, while it's not something you see every day, it's perfectly normal! Jessica's girls gathered around as the midwife examined the placenta, and she gave them(and me!) a mini lesson on the placenta. She showed us all of the different parts, the fetal side, the maternal side, and the amniotic sac. She even pulled the sac apart and showed how the it's two different sections- amnion and chorion. I had never seen that before, and it was just so cool. I've always been fascinated by the placenta, and this was the first time I've gotten to see one up close. I'd bet people really would have commented if they had seen Jessica's daughters examining the placenta up close, but the camera had been turned off by then. Shortly after, Jessica and Arden went to take an herbal bath in the birth pool. (Side note: herbal baths after giving birth are the. best.) The whole family was gathered around- there was no uncomfortableness with the nudity involved, just excitement about the new baby. Jessica's oldest even came over and put her hair up so that it wouldn't get wet. I dunno about your family, but that wouldn't have been normal or comfortable in the family I grew up in. It was so refreshing to see a family that was so comfortable in their skin, so comfortable with each other, and so comfortable with birth. The whole experience was incredibly miraculous, and yet also incredibly normal. The combination of the two was just breathtakingly beautiful. Definitely a memory I'll keep with me forever.
Do you agree that "Ordinary Miracle" is a very fitting description for birth? Has that been your experience too? If you're a birth worker, did you ever get "used to" experiencing the miraculous on a regular basis? Has that changed the way you experience the rest of your life?
The next morning, however, was very different. I literally couldn't think about anything else. The fact that I had just witnessed, for the first time, a human life being brought into the world, totally consumed my thoughts and I knew I needed to process. I turned on a movie for the kids, and went into Hayden's room to get some quiet time. I turned on Sarah McLachlan's Ordinary Miracle, and just cried. I wrote out a whole page of thoughts and feelings. It felt really good to get it all out.
I wonder if it's like this for birth workers after every birth? Do you ever get used to it? Do you have to take time to process after every birth? Birth is so miraculous, and for most people, it's something they only get to experience a couple of times in their lifetime. What must it be like to be a witness and an assistant to the miraculous on a regular basis? Does that change your outlook on life? Does that change your attitude, your interactions, your choices?
That song, Ordinary Miracle, was one of the ones that Jessica chose for her labor playlist. She said that was a perfect song because it so perfectly describes the birth experience- both ordinary and miraculous. I couldn't agree more. Birth is miraculous- a brand new human being that never existed before is brough into the world, and a mother is made out of the woman that used to stand in her place. But birth is also very normal- it's simply a part of life that's been happening ever since humans have been around. Man and woman come together, a baby is created, and a new life comes into the world. It's the circle of life.
Isn't it remarkable?
Like every time a raindrop falls
It's just another ordinary miracle today.
I think that's the one thing that stood out to me most about Arden's birth- how perfecly normal it was. The house was so peaceful and buzzing with life. Jessica's older two daughters were baking in the kitchen. All the adults were talking and laughing between contractions. At one point, Jessica's oldest got ready and left to go teach a ballet class. There was no fear, no worries, no drama. Just a loving family ready to welcome a new member. As the video feed was turned on later on in the labor, several viewers commented that they thought it was so cool that Jessica's older daughters were there as their mom labored. Honestly, until they mentioned that, it hadn't even crossed my mind that that's something different than what a lot of people have. It seemed so normal to me to have them there. It seemed so normal to them that they were there. They were just there, helping, waiting, playing on my ipad. ;)
It was the same after the baby was born. Jessica's second daughter was the one one in there for the actual birth(Arden came out so quickly that the first and third daughters missed it- so sad!), but afterwards they all gathered around to meet their new sister. Seeing the family bonding together was so incredibly sweet! At one point, Jessica's third daughter asked if she could hold the baby. Jessica asked her to take her shirt off first so that she could be skin to skin with Arden. It brought tears to my eyes to see the sisters bonding that way.
After the placenta came out, the midwife examined it to make sure all the parts were there and that everything looked okay. The placenta- again, while it's not something you see every day, it's perfectly normal! Jessica's girls gathered around as the midwife examined the placenta, and she gave them(and me!) a mini lesson on the placenta. She showed us all of the different parts, the fetal side, the maternal side, and the amniotic sac. She even pulled the sac apart and showed how the it's two different sections- amnion and chorion. I had never seen that before, and it was just so cool. I've always been fascinated by the placenta, and this was the first time I've gotten to see one up close. I'd bet people really would have commented if they had seen Jessica's daughters examining the placenta up close, but the camera had been turned off by then. Shortly after, Jessica and Arden went to take an herbal bath in the birth pool. (Side note: herbal baths after giving birth are the. best.) The whole family was gathered around- there was no uncomfortableness with the nudity involved, just excitement about the new baby. Jessica's oldest even came over and put her hair up so that it wouldn't get wet. I dunno about your family, but that wouldn't have been normal or comfortable in the family I grew up in. It was so refreshing to see a family that was so comfortable in their skin, so comfortable with each other, and so comfortable with birth. The whole experience was incredibly miraculous, and yet also incredibly normal. The combination of the two was just breathtakingly beautiful. Definitely a memory I'll keep with me forever.
Do you agree that "Ordinary Miracle" is a very fitting description for birth? Has that been your experience too? If you're a birth worker, did you ever get "used to" experiencing the miraculous on a regular basis? Has that changed the way you experience the rest of your life?
Monday, May 21, 2012
My experience at baby Arden's birth!
This April, I had the incredible honor of being present at a friend's homebirth. You might have heard of my friend, Jessica from The Leaky B@@b. We don't know each other very well(better now!), and yet she asked me to be there with her as she gave birth, to facilitate the live chat and video that she wanted to have running as she labored and birthed. I'm pretty sure my jaw dropped all the way to the floor when she asked me! If you know me at all, you know that I'm super passionate about birth and dream of being a midwife someday, so to have the opportunity to be at a birth without having to wait until I'm finished with all the training I'll need was a dream come true for me. And then to have it be the birth of someone that's making waves in the breastfeeding world, that has built the largest interactive breastfeeding support community on facebook(over 53,000 people now!), and a woman that I truly admire- let's just say I was humbled, honored, and excited for the opportunity.
Jessica decided that she wanted to have a live video stream running on her blog as she gave birth. Why in the world would she choose to share such an intimate moment live for anyone to view? Stated simply, to normalize birth and to empower women. Of course, I'm all for that! Jessica told me that she has learned so much and felt so empowered by the birth videos that she had watched years ago, and that she wanted to pass that experience on and hopefully empower others. I think she did that and more, and it was so, so amazing to watch.
Jessica contacted me around 10AM on Thursday, April 19th. Of course, you never know when someone is going to go into labor, but this birth worked out pretty much perfectly for me. SInce we only have one car, and Thad works so much(sometimes across town), I had several contingency plans in place. Thankfully I didn't have to use any of them- when I got the message from Jessica, Thad was already at home, with no big plans for the day! I was able to quickly throw some stuff together and we headed out the door. I was so, so excited, and a little nervous too. I knew I had a lot of responsibility on my shoulders, and I didn't want to screw it up! I said a quick prayer that I'd be able to do everything that Jessica wanted me to do, and that I'd be a good representative of her heart in sharing the birth and that I wouldn't do anything to damage The Leaky B@@b's good reputation!
Jessica's house is about an hour from mine, but by the time I got over there she was still in early labor. The Piano Man(Jessica's husband) got me started on the live chat that he had just set up. Within minutes there were several hundred people! We couldn't believe how fast they were showing up! So much love and so many well wishes for Jessica and her family. If it wasn't obvious before that this woman has touched many lives, there's no doubt now. The comments were just pouring in, both on the live chat and The Leaky B@@b facebook wall. Jessica didn't want the live video feed turned on until closer to delivery, but her friend Sue took some short videos of Jessica and The Piano Man dancing through contractions. Everyone loved it- they were just eating up each picture and video.
The atmosphere in the house was so peaceful in those early labor hours. Everyone was calm and relaxed, and Jessica had the most wonderful labor playlist turned up loud. Every time she'd have a contraction she'd stand in the middle of the living room, and sway and sing with the music. When the contraction got intense, she'd call for The Piano Man and he'd dance with her or press on her hips. You could see the love flowing through them as they gazed into each others eyes- it was truly idyllic. Whenver Jessica would get a contraction, she'd call out, "Tell me", and The Piano Man would reply, "I love you". So, so sweet.
After a little while, Jessica's midwife showed up, along with her birth photographer. So, besides family, there were four of us there- Jessica's midwife, Cathy Rude; Jessica's friend and nurse that helped her so much with the ivs and everything needed for HG, Sue Potts; the birth photographer(so sorry I don't remember her name), and me. We were all just waiting! I've never been to a birth before, so I was a little curious as to what it would be like waiting around for the baby to come. I was there for over 12 hours total, but it really didn't seem like that long. The live chat and TLB facebook page kept me really busy. The downside of the program that we were using to host the chat and video was that I had to individually approve each and every comment. It was a total pain in the neck, both for me and the commenters!
After several hours, and after having the midwife break her water, Jessica decided to turn the camera on. All the viewers were totally thrilled about that! Questions and comments were pouring in! Everyone wanted to know who was who- they even asked me to step in front of the camera and wave. I'm pretty introverted, so I was very happy to hide in the corner out of view of the camera, but I did indulge their requests and gave a little wave. Everyone was so excited about that- I was just surprised that anyone cared! It still seemed surreal that there were so many people watching live. Jessica and The Piano Man were still doing the "Tell me", "I love you" routine with just about every contraction. Several viewers said that it was so sweet they were tearing up! Everyone was commenting about how supportive The Piano Man was, and how they wish he could give labor partner lessons to their husbands! He really did do an amazing job, and I'm blessed to say that I know the feeling, as Thad was also incredibly supportive during my two births. It really does make a huge difference to have the person that you love most be right there cheering you through the whole time.
If I remember right, the camera was on for about half an hour, but then Jessica's labor stalled a bit around 5 cms, so the camera was turned back off. She tried nipple stimulation with a pump, relaxed in the bath for a bit, and tried some different positions to encourage the baby to descend. The viewers weren't deterred by the break in the live video feed though. There were still about 16,000 people on the live chat, and the comments were literally coming in faster than I could approve them. I kept apologizing that I wasn't able to get to everyone's comments! I was pretty tired by that point, and my butt was going numb. I was trying not to let myself think any of those thoughts, because I knew that Jessica was in a lot more uncomfortable than I was! I finally decided that it would be wise to take a break while Jessica was in the bath and the camera was turned off. I didn't want to leave 16,000 people, but I had already been on the computer for around 8 hours, and I knew I should get a little rest before the baby really started coming. I sat in the living room and just relaxed for a couple of minutes and chatted with the birth photographer. I realized I was STARVING!!! (Next time I go to a birth, I'm definitely bringing more snacks.) I'm so thankful that Sue was willing to stop and get me some Larabars while she was out picking up something for the birth pool. Thank you Sue!
Whatever Jessica and her midwife did to encourage things along worked, because after an hour or two they headed back into the bedroom and turned the camera back on. I tucked myself into the corner of the room with Jessica's laptop and resumed chatting. To say that everyone was excited is an understatement. The number of people viewing the live chat was pushing 18,000 by that point! Amazing! I wish I had gotten a couple of screen shots, but it totally slipped my mind. (And my only regret of the whole thing is that I didn't get a picture of me and Jessica! Oh well.)
Jessica labored for a little while on the bed again, and then she started getting pushy! The viewers noticed immediately and started commenting. "Was that a push I heard?" "She sounds pushy!" Jessica was on her hands and knees on the bed, facing the camera and the side of the room where I was. She started to give a big push, and the midwife said something like, "Oh, here she comes, there's the head!" I was thinking she probably still had a little ways to go, and several more pushes before the baby was actually born. I started to get up really slowly, thinking maybe I should go see the baby crowning. No such luck- by the time I had gotten off the floor, I saw a baby on the bed! I couldn't believe how fast she came out!!! Jessica sat back on the bed, ripped her dress off(I don't think I've ever seen anyone move so fast!), and pulled her baby to her chest. I don't know if everyone else did, but I started tearing up! I'd dare say there's nothing more amazing in this world than seeing a baby being born into it.
Baby Arden started to pink up right away- she had amazing color. All the family gathered around to meet the new baby and start the bonding process. It brought back such wonderful memories from Tristan's birth. After a minute, I composed myself, and got back on the laptop to continue approving comments and make the birth announcement on TLB facebook page. Within minutes, the post had over 1,000 likes, and has nearly 6,000 likes today. So much love for this wonderful momma and her family. Jessica and The Piano Man announced the name that they chose for their little Sugarbaby- Arden Credence, which means passionate belief. I don't think any baby born into this family has much chance of not being passionate about something! ;) Arden latched on right away and did great with nursing! Again, I don't think she had much of an option there!
I was excited going into this, but I honestly wasn't sure what to expect, and definitely didn't know how deeply I'd be moved. But Arden's birth was inspiring to me on so many levels. I loved getting to meet Jessica's family and get a little taste of their life. It was so obvious that their home and family are just full of love, and I so enjoyed getting to watch them all interact. This is a family that's committed to each other, that's serious about what they believe in, and that's ready and willing to share their love with the world. It's so cool to know that families like this really exist, and I hope and pray that my own family can emulate them in some way. It was also so amazing to see how many thousands of people were moved and inspired as the watched the birth. To know that I played a role in sharing that with them is just incredibly humbling. As far as the birth itself- it's hard to put such a fully tangible, yet incredibly spiritual experience into words, but it's touched me so deeply. (More on that later.) I know I'm called to birth work, and I'm so thankful that my first experience was with such a normal, peaceful, perfect birth. Jessica, thank you so much for inviting and allowing me to be a part of Arden's birth- I'll be forever grateful.
Welcome, baby Arden! Do you know how many lives you've touched already?
Jessica decided that she wanted to have a live video stream running on her blog as she gave birth. Why in the world would she choose to share such an intimate moment live for anyone to view? Stated simply, to normalize birth and to empower women. Of course, I'm all for that! Jessica told me that she has learned so much and felt so empowered by the birth videos that she had watched years ago, and that she wanted to pass that experience on and hopefully empower others. I think she did that and more, and it was so, so amazing to watch.
Jessica contacted me around 10AM on Thursday, April 19th. Of course, you never know when someone is going to go into labor, but this birth worked out pretty much perfectly for me. SInce we only have one car, and Thad works so much(sometimes across town), I had several contingency plans in place. Thankfully I didn't have to use any of them- when I got the message from Jessica, Thad was already at home, with no big plans for the day! I was able to quickly throw some stuff together and we headed out the door. I was so, so excited, and a little nervous too. I knew I had a lot of responsibility on my shoulders, and I didn't want to screw it up! I said a quick prayer that I'd be able to do everything that Jessica wanted me to do, and that I'd be a good representative of her heart in sharing the birth and that I wouldn't do anything to damage The Leaky B@@b's good reputation!
Jessica's house is about an hour from mine, but by the time I got over there she was still in early labor. The Piano Man(Jessica's husband) got me started on the live chat that he had just set up. Within minutes there were several hundred people! We couldn't believe how fast they were showing up! So much love and so many well wishes for Jessica and her family. If it wasn't obvious before that this woman has touched many lives, there's no doubt now. The comments were just pouring in, both on the live chat and The Leaky B@@b facebook wall. Jessica didn't want the live video feed turned on until closer to delivery, but her friend Sue took some short videos of Jessica and The Piano Man dancing through contractions. Everyone loved it- they were just eating up each picture and video.
The atmosphere in the house was so peaceful in those early labor hours. Everyone was calm and relaxed, and Jessica had the most wonderful labor playlist turned up loud. Every time she'd have a contraction she'd stand in the middle of the living room, and sway and sing with the music. When the contraction got intense, she'd call for The Piano Man and he'd dance with her or press on her hips. You could see the love flowing through them as they gazed into each others eyes- it was truly idyllic. Whenver Jessica would get a contraction, she'd call out, "Tell me", and The Piano Man would reply, "I love you". So, so sweet.
After a little while, Jessica's midwife showed up, along with her birth photographer. So, besides family, there were four of us there- Jessica's midwife, Cathy Rude; Jessica's friend and nurse that helped her so much with the ivs and everything needed for HG, Sue Potts; the birth photographer(so sorry I don't remember her name), and me. We were all just waiting! I've never been to a birth before, so I was a little curious as to what it would be like waiting around for the baby to come. I was there for over 12 hours total, but it really didn't seem like that long. The live chat and TLB facebook page kept me really busy. The downside of the program that we were using to host the chat and video was that I had to individually approve each and every comment. It was a total pain in the neck, both for me and the commenters!
After several hours, and after having the midwife break her water, Jessica decided to turn the camera on. All the viewers were totally thrilled about that! Questions and comments were pouring in! Everyone wanted to know who was who- they even asked me to step in front of the camera and wave. I'm pretty introverted, so I was very happy to hide in the corner out of view of the camera, but I did indulge their requests and gave a little wave. Everyone was so excited about that- I was just surprised that anyone cared! It still seemed surreal that there were so many people watching live. Jessica and The Piano Man were still doing the "Tell me", "I love you" routine with just about every contraction. Several viewers said that it was so sweet they were tearing up! Everyone was commenting about how supportive The Piano Man was, and how they wish he could give labor partner lessons to their husbands! He really did do an amazing job, and I'm blessed to say that I know the feeling, as Thad was also incredibly supportive during my two births. It really does make a huge difference to have the person that you love most be right there cheering you through the whole time.
If I remember right, the camera was on for about half an hour, but then Jessica's labor stalled a bit around 5 cms, so the camera was turned back off. She tried nipple stimulation with a pump, relaxed in the bath for a bit, and tried some different positions to encourage the baby to descend. The viewers weren't deterred by the break in the live video feed though. There were still about 16,000 people on the live chat, and the comments were literally coming in faster than I could approve them. I kept apologizing that I wasn't able to get to everyone's comments! I was pretty tired by that point, and my butt was going numb. I was trying not to let myself think any of those thoughts, because I knew that Jessica was in a lot more uncomfortable than I was! I finally decided that it would be wise to take a break while Jessica was in the bath and the camera was turned off. I didn't want to leave 16,000 people, but I had already been on the computer for around 8 hours, and I knew I should get a little rest before the baby really started coming. I sat in the living room and just relaxed for a couple of minutes and chatted with the birth photographer. I realized I was STARVING!!! (Next time I go to a birth, I'm definitely bringing more snacks.) I'm so thankful that Sue was willing to stop and get me some Larabars while she was out picking up something for the birth pool. Thank you Sue!
Whatever Jessica and her midwife did to encourage things along worked, because after an hour or two they headed back into the bedroom and turned the camera back on. I tucked myself into the corner of the room with Jessica's laptop and resumed chatting. To say that everyone was excited is an understatement. The number of people viewing the live chat was pushing 18,000 by that point! Amazing! I wish I had gotten a couple of screen shots, but it totally slipped my mind. (And my only regret of the whole thing is that I didn't get a picture of me and Jessica! Oh well.)
Jessica labored for a little while on the bed again, and then she started getting pushy! The viewers noticed immediately and started commenting. "Was that a push I heard?" "She sounds pushy!" Jessica was on her hands and knees on the bed, facing the camera and the side of the room where I was. She started to give a big push, and the midwife said something like, "Oh, here she comes, there's the head!" I was thinking she probably still had a little ways to go, and several more pushes before the baby was actually born. I started to get up really slowly, thinking maybe I should go see the baby crowning. No such luck- by the time I had gotten off the floor, I saw a baby on the bed! I couldn't believe how fast she came out!!! Jessica sat back on the bed, ripped her dress off(I don't think I've ever seen anyone move so fast!), and pulled her baby to her chest. I don't know if everyone else did, but I started tearing up! I'd dare say there's nothing more amazing in this world than seeing a baby being born into it.
Baby Arden started to pink up right away- she had amazing color. All the family gathered around to meet the new baby and start the bonding process. It brought back such wonderful memories from Tristan's birth. After a minute, I composed myself, and got back on the laptop to continue approving comments and make the birth announcement on TLB facebook page. Within minutes, the post had over 1,000 likes, and has nearly 6,000 likes today. So much love for this wonderful momma and her family. Jessica and The Piano Man announced the name that they chose for their little Sugarbaby- Arden Credence, which means passionate belief. I don't think any baby born into this family has much chance of not being passionate about something! ;) Arden latched on right away and did great with nursing! Again, I don't think she had much of an option there!
I was excited going into this, but I honestly wasn't sure what to expect, and definitely didn't know how deeply I'd be moved. But Arden's birth was inspiring to me on so many levels. I loved getting to meet Jessica's family and get a little taste of their life. It was so obvious that their home and family are just full of love, and I so enjoyed getting to watch them all interact. This is a family that's committed to each other, that's serious about what they believe in, and that's ready and willing to share their love with the world. It's so cool to know that families like this really exist, and I hope and pray that my own family can emulate them in some way. It was also so amazing to see how many thousands of people were moved and inspired as the watched the birth. To know that I played a role in sharing that with them is just incredibly humbling. As far as the birth itself- it's hard to put such a fully tangible, yet incredibly spiritual experience into words, but it's touched me so deeply. (More on that later.) I know I'm called to birth work, and I'm so thankful that my first experience was with such a normal, peaceful, perfect birth. Jessica, thank you so much for inviting and allowing me to be a part of Arden's birth- I'll be forever grateful.
Welcome, baby Arden! Do you know how many lives you've touched already?
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
What I Learned from My Placenta
Yes, I'm serious. A couple of days ago, I uploaded some photos of my placenta to share on a message board. While I was eating. I'll be honest. I'd seen the photos before, of course, but it had been a while, and my first reaction was a little bit of shock. If you've never seen a placenta before, they can be pretty graphic. Definitely bloody, and slimy, and very organ-like. A placenta is an organ, after all.
But then I started to question myself(a good habit I've gotten into lately)- why was that my first reaction? Why was my first impulse to think of my placenta as gross? Is it because that's all I've ever heard about them? I've heard placenta jokes, heard that they're disgusting, heard people say that they don't even want to catch a glimpse of their placenta when it comes out. But why? Placentas are actually really, really cool. Think about it- in the course of 9 months, your body not only grows a baby, but an entire ORGAN that nourishes your baby while it's inside you. A temporary organ- we only use it during pregnancy! It's amazing the way the blood vessels connect to mom, and also to the baby via the umbilical cord. The baby doesn't even have to breathe in utero- all the oxygen and nourishment that it needs passes from the placenta, through the umbilical cord, and to the baby. The placenta is an amazing, life giving organ.
So why all the placenta hate? Is there something strange about the placenta that causes people to be repulsed by it? I don't think the problem is with the placenta. As I pondered these questions, I began to see that the aversion to the placenta is just a symptom of a bigger problem. As a society, we've become detached from reality. We're so detached from the basics of what it means to be human. We're so constantly surrounded by fakes, by artificial images and concepts, that when we do get a chance to see the real thing we're repulsed by it.
But then I started to question myself(a good habit I've gotten into lately)- why was that my first reaction? Why was my first impulse to think of my placenta as gross? Is it because that's all I've ever heard about them? I've heard placenta jokes, heard that they're disgusting, heard people say that they don't even want to catch a glimpse of their placenta when it comes out. But why? Placentas are actually really, really cool. Think about it- in the course of 9 months, your body not only grows a baby, but an entire ORGAN that nourishes your baby while it's inside you. A temporary organ- we only use it during pregnancy! It's amazing the way the blood vessels connect to mom, and also to the baby via the umbilical cord. The baby doesn't even have to breathe in utero- all the oxygen and nourishment that it needs passes from the placenta, through the umbilical cord, and to the baby. The placenta is an amazing, life giving organ.
So why all the placenta hate? Is there something strange about the placenta that causes people to be repulsed by it? I don't think the problem is with the placenta. As I pondered these questions, I began to see that the aversion to the placenta is just a symptom of a bigger problem. As a society, we've become detached from reality. We're so detached from the basics of what it means to be human. We're so constantly surrounded by fakes, by artificial images and concepts, that when we do get a chance to see the real thing we're repulsed by it.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Tristan's Birth Story
I had been having contractions on and off for about a week and a half. It was driving me crazy! I kept thinking and hoping I was in labor, but nothing would came of the contractions. Prodromal labor can be so frustrating. I had my last visit with my midwife, Paula on Monday, February 22nd. She checked to see if I was dialating, and I was at 3 cms.
I was in a rough place emotionally. It had been a hard year, and because of our vehicle situation I was stuck at home most of the time. I felt like my life was stuck too and I was just waiting to have the baby. And I just felt like I was missing something. I was nervous about going into labor with that feeling.
Does birth matter? My story.
Does birth matter? The baby matters, of course. But is the way we welcome the child into the world really of importance? Is there something to be gained or lost, for the mother or child, in the act of giving birth?
Although these questions evoke some strong thoughts feelings for me, I'm not going to attempt to answer these questions all-encompassingly, at least not in this post. Instead I want to share something more personal: a different side to my birth story, my answers to these questions.
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