San Antonio and How I'm Letting Go of Must-Do-It-All Guilt.

We're back! We had such a great time on our mini vacation in San Antonio! We:

 

Took goofy pictures

Did an obscene amount of walking along the riverwalk

Slept in every morning(not pictured)

Ate a ridiculously amazing steak dinner topped off with a perfect creme brulee(also not pictured- I felt a little awkward busting out the camera in such a fancy restaurant)

Visited the Guenther House, which had an incredible gingerbread replica of itself inside

 

Saw Les Miserables(incredible! Go see it right away!)

 

I'm thankful for:

The fact that my gut is healed enough to handle things like corn and sugar occasionally, and that I didn't have to obsess over my food except to make sure that it was gluten free

The afternoon at the mall that I got all to myself, dressing up

shopping,

 

 

and finding the Alamo.

Also thankful for the quiet breakfasts I got to myself,

and the fact that we're secure enough in our relationship to not have to spend every minute together. Thad wants to stay in the room and watch football while I go shopping and explore the town? Sounds like a win/win to me!

 

 

We had a great time, and we were so happy to get back home to see the kids.

 

But WOW. I was NOT expecting reintigration to be so hard. Apparently just three days apart was long enough for the kids to forget all the boundaries that we've been setting for forever, and for me to forget just how HARD this parenting thing is! We were back to snatching toys away from each other, forgetting to use words to talk to each other, and forgetting to ask mommy for help when the words aren't working. (They don't normally do these things perfectly, of course, but we've made some good progress and they're learning well.) There has been lots of boundary testing since we got back. I'm sure that's normal, but it sure isn't fun! Lots of patience required.

 

Even though I knew that the first day back was a little harder than my average day at home with the kids, I found myself thinking, "No wonder I'm so tired all the time! No wonder I always feel like I can't get anything done! No wonder!" Parenting these two is a non-stop job, from the time they wake up until the time they go to sleep. NON- STOP. Even when I am able to step away and get something done, I always have to be ready to drop everything to help a child, and that by itself is exhausting, at least for me. I don't know how I let myself forget that, and how I let myself feel guilty for not doing more, but I'm stopping with the guilt.

 

Parenting is a really difficult job. I think I need to give myself a little more credit. Even on days where I don't get anything else done besides care for the kids, I've done something awesome and I don't need to feel any guilt over that. On days when I'm able to get other things done as well(which is most days), I need to celebrate that, not feel guilty that I wasn't able to do more. I'll be able to do more when the kids are older, but for this season that requires non-stop attention, I think I'm doing pretty darn good, and I'm going to start giving myself credit for it.

 

Less guilt. More being proud of myself. More encouraging myself. I think that's the big lesson this vacation taught me.

 

 

Do you ever find yourself feeling guilty for not doing more? Do you have a hard time remembering that simply parenting small children day to day is a big accomplishment on its own? What helps you keep these things in perspective?

 

 

 

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Handprint Wrapping Paper for Christmas!

*WARNING* If you're reading this and you know you're getting a present from me this year, you might want to stop reading if you want to be surprised.



The awesome thing about starting your Christmas planning in October is that you can do extra fun things like making your own hand and foot print wrapping paper with the kids(without stressing!). We had so much fun doing this last month, and now that I've got most of the gifts finished and wrapped up, I can go ahead and share.

This was a messy job.

 

But greatly enjoyed by all. 

 Yes, you can totally see my child's ribs there. I do feed him adequately, promise.

Let me just point out that I'm SO. GLAD. that I went ahead and got the washable paint like the man at Michael's suggested. I was thinking, "Eh, they'll just get some on their hands and feet, and we'll be able to rinse it off before it dries- no biggie if we don't get washable." I was So. Wrong.

I think someone had fun. 

By the time we were done, we ended up with four large sheets of gift wrap. I'm hoping that will be enough to wrap all the gifts that we're giving this year(gifts for our immediate little family will be wrapped in something else), but if not, I have a little extra (washable!) paint on stand by. 

I'm really pleased with how the gifts turned out! I went all out and got gift boxes to put the irregularly shaped gifts in, and then wrapped each one with the handprinted paper. I used red yarn(to enhance the crafty feel, of course) to tie around each gift, and then embellished them with a sparkly snowflake ornament from Target and some personalized photo gift tags that I got from Paper Coterie. 

I just love how they turned out! I hope all our family does too. The only downside- now I've got to come up with something to top this for next year!

Are you doing anything crafty for Christmas this year? I'd love to see what you've got going sofar! Share a link below or on my Facebook page. 

Craziness in my Absence

So, yeah. I've been a little MIA on this blog the past couple of weeks. Sorry about that! Unfortunately, when things get crazy around here, blogging is one of the first things that gets pushed onto the back burner. I'm not thrilled about it, but that's just the way it is right now with Thad so busy with the church plant. It'll all be worth it though, and I love my life! I thought I'd use this post to share a bit about what's been going on while I've been away from the blog.

 

My aunt and uncle came to visit two weeks ago. I totally forgot they were coming. Oops! I got a call from my aunt on Friday night: "So, we can't wait to see you on Sunday night!" I was like, "Uhhhh- what?" Haha- niece of the year award right here. They only stayed two nights before they headed off to a European cruise(so jealous!!!), but we had a great visit with them. We got some shopping in(we always shop when my aunt comes in town- I love it!) and had a nice family lunch at Pappasitos. While we were at the mall, I stopped by the restroom area to see if the nursing symbol I put up was still there. Sure was! It looked a little bent up, like someone had tried to remove it or see how it had been attached, but I made it sturdy enough to withstand a little messing with, and it's still going strong! Yay!!!

 

Then PMS hit. I've written about how GAPS has drastically improved my PMS(probably more like PMDD, if I'd ever gotten an actual diagnosis, not that it actually matters at this point), and it has, but for whatever reason this month was worse than the last couple. I just felt down in the dumps, irritable, and irrational. Minor disturbances had me considering drastic measures. There was lots of negative self talk going on in my head, and just general mental and emotional lethargicness- and that was at the good moments. Thankfully, I know myself well enough to know that all of that was just hormones talking, and I'd make it through just fine within a week or so, and be back to normal. I still wasn't feeling healthy enough to be writing anything worth reading, unless you want to read stuff that's going to leave you scratching your head or feeling depressed. Blog got pushed to the back burner- and you should be glad about that one.

 

 

Just as I was getting over the PMS, Hayden's birthday rolled around. I can't believe she's four years old already!!! It's been interesting watching myself grow up with her. Her birth was the start of a whole new chapter in my life, and I literally don't recognise the person that I look back on before she was born. I'm a completely different person now- and proud of who I've become. But enough about me- it was Hayden's birthday!

 

 

We celebrated with a low key party at the bowling alley. Thad's mom was there, and my pregnant sister and her husband and little boy. A friend from church and her daughter came too. It was just a small party- since we've been here less than a year, Hayden doesn't go to school, and one car keeps us from getting out much, Hayden doesn't have a lot of little friends to invite yet. But she still had a blast, and that's the most important thing when it comes to birthday parties, right? We'll try to have more of an actual party next year.

 

 

It was both kids' first time bowling, and they totally loved it. Tristan couldn't stop squealing excitedly. I don't think I've ever seen him more excited about something! The bowling alley had ball slides for little kids, and they were so cool! I've never seen them before, but they were just perfect for my little ones. Such a great idea.

 

The excitement wore off pretty quickly since Hayden knew there was CAKE to be had!!! The kids have been grain and sugar free since the beginning of February, so cake is a pretty rare treat around here! I made cupcakes for Tristan's birthday, but this is the first cake I've made for them, so Hayden was pretty excited. (It's actually the first cake I've had since going gluten free, so in about a year and a half. Wow!) It tasted great, and even the SAD eating guests enjoyed it. Unfortunately, I confirmed my suspicion that I can't tolerate cocoa. Bummer. I wonder if that's something I can cure with GAPS, or if I'll never enjoy chocolate again. Wouldn't that be sad? Honestly though, as much as I was addicted to chocolate before, I'm willing to give it up forever if I have to do that to be rid of my health issues! The kids had some minor reactions to the cocoa too- I think we'll be avoiding it completely for a while. Hayden says she wants a strawberry cake when she turns 5, so I think we'll be in the clear!

 

 

Hayden got the gift that she wanted most of all- roller skates! She was so, so excited when she opened them. I'm sure it will take her a while to get the hang of actually gliding, but she's having fun practicing!

 

 

 

Thad's mom refinished a little table and chairs for Hayden's room. They are so cute! Hayden's been wanting a table and chairs for a while now. She and Tristan have played on them every day- mostly "pizza party".

 

 

Other than that, life's just been busy! Our church's one year anniversary is coming up at the end of this month, and Thad has been really busy preparing for that. I'm so excited for the celebration service! We've officially been having church services for a year now! It seems like a lot longer than that. It's so wonderful to see my husband finally walking in his calling and doing something that he truly loves. He's being used in a big way to change lives and grow the kingdom, and I'm so proud of him. And the church is growing! We're averaging between 60 and 75 people every Sunday morning, and the sense of community has really blossomed. It actually feels like a real church now, and has for about 3 or 4 months. So exciting to see!

 

 

 

Last but not least: my exciting news! I'm officially registered with Childbirth International and studying to be certified as a birth doula! I'm so, so, so excited!!! I'm finally taking a concrete step towards my dream!

 

Obviously, it's not realistic for me to attend births right now. We have one car, and we're just over a year into our church plant. Thad is extremely busy with both the church and his other job. It's totally unrealistic for me to be on call in any capacity right now. But what I can do right now is study! We're expecting Thad's schedule to open up within the next couple of years, and hoping to get another car a lot sooner than that. At the beginning of this year, I got to thinking- while I'm waiting for life to slow down enough for me to be able to attend births, why not get the studying out of the way! I'm at a point in my life where I'm wanting to take charge of the direction that I'm headed. I don't want to just sit around and wait for things to happen. So I'm not very excited to say that I'm taking the first step towards becoming a birth doula!








It might take me a while to finish, but that's ok. Right now, I'm just happy to be taking a step in the right direction. Since I'm the only one home with the kids most of the time, it'll take some creativity to fit in study time, but I'll find a way. The great thing is that I have three years to finish the course, so there's no hurry. I think I'm most excited about the books I'll have to read- there's a 27 page list of books that I can choose from to meet my reading requirement. Totally stoked about that. I can't wait to see what all I'll learn, and to start attending births at some point in the not-too-distant future!

 

Sorry this was a bit scatterbrained. I feel a bit scatterbrained right now with all that's going on! I don't have a good ending for this post, and I want to hurry up and get it up, so I'll leave you with this picture I got of me and the kids on Hayden's birthday. I'm so thankful to be their mommy!

 

You might be a crunchy parent if...(Our trip to the zoo)

We went to the zoo today! It was Tristan's first time, and it might as well have been Hayden's first time too, since the last time that we went she was too young to remember any of it. (I know. We don't get out much. I blame my husband's crazy work schedule and my lack of car.) Hayden was so excited to be going to the zoo. She couldn't stop talking on the way up there- it was so cute.

 

The elephants were one of the first animals that we saw. One one side, in a seperate area, there was a mommy and a baby elephant! They were just too cute! I was so hoping that the baby would nurse, and sure enough- it did! It was a total lactivist geek-out moment for me- DH was rolling his eyes. It was such perfect timing though, because Hayden and I had just been talking earlier about animals nursing. A couple of days ago during lunch, she asked me, "Mommy, why do cows have little pigs on the back of them, on the bottom?" She thought that the cows' udders were little pigs! Oops! I guessed maybe it was time for a basic anatomy lesson. Thanks to good old Google, I pulled up a bunch of pictures of different animals nursing, and we talked about how lots of different animals get milk from their mommies, just like she did when she was a baby, and just like Tristan still does now. She was so fascinated and really had a fun time looking at all the pictures. She kept saying how cute each baby animal was. Then we watched the classic Sesame Street clip, Buffy nurses Cody, and she just loved that.

 

So it was perfect timing to go to the zoo two days later and get to see a baby elephant nursing!!! You can't really see it in the picture, but s/he was getting momma milk! The elephant had crazy long nipples- you can kindof see one in the second picture, and in the one above.

 

Of course, we saw lots of different animals. It was fun to ask Tristan what he thought each animal was. He knows a lot of different animals for a two year old, but of course not nearly all the animals in the zoo. We saw some huge(!) longhorn cows, and when I asked him what kind of animal they were, he said, "Puppy!" Then he got a good look at the horns and said, "Is that a tuba? *giggle* No, that's not a tuba."

 

 

The first primates we saw were baboons. Some of them were really crazy looking! Apparently when a female baboon is ovulating, her genital area swells up like a balloon and turns bright pink! There were several females that had the bright pink swelling going on. I guess maybe, like humans, when several females live together they tend to cycle together? It was really gross looking, but I thought it was really fascinating as well! Of course, I do find the whole conception/pregnancy/birth/breastfeeding journey to be immensely interesting, so I would think that. You know you're a crunchy parent when your favorite part of the zoo is the nursing elephant and the ovulating baboon!

 

I didn't get any pictures of the baboons, but they looked something like this. Isn't that crazy?!?

The kids had a blast riding the carousel- I'm pretty sure it was their first time to do that too. (Told ya we don't get out much.) Then they posed by the giraffe.

 

Tristan just had to push the stroller by himself on the way out. "No, Pawpaw, let me do it myself!" He's getting so independent- and articulate!

 

We had so much fun!

 

 

Baboon Photo Credit

 

I've got evidence!

Remember how I told you that Tristan climbed that huge ladder at the playground? Well now I've got video evidence.

He's only 18.5 months old.

Our adventurous day

We're loving the location of our new house. We've got a huge library, a really nice Kroger, and two parks within walking distance! I feel like a whole new world has opened up for me and the kids! We've only got one car, so when Thad's at work we're normally stuck at home. There wasn't anything within walking distance of our old house, and we didn't even have a backyard that we could play in. Needless to say, we're pretty thrilled with our new spot!


Today we went to play at the elementary school's playground. It's a big playground for bigger kids. There were two playsets- the smaller one said it was for ages 5-12, and the bigger one didn't have an age listed. My three year old and 18 month old loved it though.


Hayden climbed on a jungle jym for the first time. She was nervous at first, but got the hang of it after the first time.

Tristan climbed up this ladder. By himself. With no help from me. I climbed up behind him of course, with a death grip on his little arm, but I didn't help him at all. I was terrified the whole time, trying to climb myself and stay steady enough that I was sure I could catch him if he slipped. He wasn't scared at all though- just completely focused on climbing up that ladder. 

You can see him there at the bottom for a little scale of just how high the ladder was. 

So after that, we quickly found something else to do. Mommy's blood pressure couldn't handle another climb like that. But I guess nervousness is just something that comes along with mommy-hood, because Tristan decided that he wanted to repeatedly run back and forth across one of those wobbly bridges. He also thought it would be great fun to stand in the middle and jump. And of course, the gap between the hand rails and the bridge was just big enough that he would have been able to fall through if he had slipped. More elevated stress levels for Mommy. 

Who knew the playground could be such a scary place? 

But the scariest thing of all was all the cracks in the super-dry ground. They were everywhere. This is Hayden next to the biggest one.

We really need rain!!!