The Best Co-Sleep-But-Don't-Have-Them-In-Your-Bed-Forever Tip That I Almost Never Hear

As an AP/crunchy mom, I'm a pretty big fan of co-sleeping. I'm sure most of the readers of this blog are too. But let's be real for a minute- I'd also guess that most of us aren't too keen on the thought of having our kids in bed with us for the next 5-10+ years, especially if there are many of them. But at the same time, most crunchy moms aren't comfortable with the idea of crying it out, and lets be honest- uncomfortable transitions aren't exactly the funnest part of parenting, especially when they involve losing sleep. So what's a crunchy momma or daddy to do?

 

I've found a solution that's worked really well for our family, so well that I can't believe that I don't hear more people talking about it! It's a super easy, transition free way to help your kids slowly start sleeping in their own beds as they get older.

 

 

When my babies were brand new, I felt most comfortable with them right in bed with me the entire time. I'm pretty paranoid about leaving newborns to sleep(or do anything, really) alone for any length of time, so I'd always keep them close to me and bring them to bed with me as soon as I was ready to go to sleep, even if they were still sleeping.

 

 

Here's the key though. At 3, 4, 6 months- whenever you start to feel more comfortable with your baby sleeping unattended for a little while- have them start out the night in their own bed. That's it! That's my whole tip! Isn't that easy? Seriously though, have them start out the night in their own bed. Then, the first time they wake up to nurse, just bring them back in bed with you, and you can co-sleep and nurse to your mutual hearts' content for the rest of the night.

 

 

This is a great idea for so many reasons. The first is that it gets the child used to their own bed. Of course, as an AP momma I never expected my babies to sleep all night in their own beds(and I still don't). But I think the idea of getting them used to another bed at an early age, in a non-scary, non-threatening way can only be a good thing. If they've only ever slept in one bed for the first several years of their life, that could be a big transition when it's time, but if they're comfortable in a couple of beds from 6 months on, it makes for an easier transition. Also, since I was bringing them back to your bed to co-sleep and nurse for the rest of the night, I found that my babies didn't get scared when they woke up in the middle of the night. I came to them, every time, and they learned that when they woke up momma was going to be right there and get them for nurses and snuggles. I was NOT wiling to try to get them back to sleep in the other room, and get in and out of my bed several times a night, but I could handle getting up once and falling right back to sleep. I enjoyed the snuggles too, of course.

 

 

Here's the real kicker though. Typically(and your baby might be different, of course), as babies turn into toddlers and then preschoolers, they start to sleep for longer stretches without waking. If they start out the night in their room, that means that as they start to sleep for longer stretches, they'll be sleeping longer in their room. When I first started doing this with Tristan, he'd sleep until maybe 11PM or midnight. As he started getting older, he'd sleep until around 1AM, then until about 2 or 3 AM. Now? Most nights, he sleeps the entire night in his own bed, in his own room, and comes into my bed to nurse around 6 or even 7 AM. It's wonderful!

 

 

There was no transition period. There were no sleepless nights of putting him back in his bed multiple times. There was no nervousness for him about a new bed or about sleeping without mommy. He simply went to sleep in his bed like he'd been doing since he was about 6 months, except now he sleeps all night! He's totally confident in the fact that if he needs me I'll be there, and that he's welcome in my bed if he needs to snuggle, and occasionally he does need those middle of the night snuggles. But most nights, he doesn't need to anymore. My 2.5 year old, attachment parented, still nursing, never-left-to-cry-it-out toddler sleeps most nights in his own room, of his own will.

 

 

Did I mention that there was NO transition period, at all???

 

 

For the life of me, I can't figure out why more moms are not talking about this! I realize every baby is different, but this was SO easy for us and worked SO well that I can't imagine it not working well for at least some other families!

 

 

Now, if you want to take this tip to the next level, here's my other suggestion. Skip the crib. Really. I moved both of my babies into a twin bed by the time they were 13 months old, but if I ever have another, I'm planning to skip the crib altogether and just have them sleep on a twin or double mattress put right on the floor. Why? Like a lot of breastfeeding moms, I like to nurse my babies to sleep. And like just about any mom can testify to, it's SOOO difficult to nurse/rock/cuddle your baby to sleep, and then do the dreaded transfer to the crib. Just typing that makes me feel anxious! Not. Fun.

 

 

Once I moved my babies up to a twin bed though, bedtime got so. much. easier. I could just lay next to them and nurse them to sleep, and then as soon as they were asleep I could just unlatch them, if necessary, and get up. No transfer required. They had no idea I was even gone. Absolute brilliance! Whenever they woke up in the middle of the night, there was no freaking out(most of the time, it happened occasionally). They were in a familiar, comfortable place, and they knew as soon as they called for me I'd be there to bring them into my bed.

 

Tristan when we first moved him out of the crib. We didn't have a twin bed at first, so we just put his crib mattress on the floor. It was uncomfortable, but did allow me to kindof lay next to him and nurse him to sleep. Wasn't he cute?!

 

 

Are you catching how awesome this idea is? Laying next to your baby to nurse them to sleep, no crib transfer required, and then as they get older, no transition period required to get them to sleep in their own room!!! They just sleep all night on their own whenever they're ready! SO. EASY.

 

 

Am I living under a rock? Are there moms everywhere doing this and talking about it? If you've done this or something similar, I'd love to hear about it! I understand that this idea probably won't work for everyone, but it worked so well for us that I can't believe that there aren't moms everywhere shouting this idea from the rooftops!

 

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Kangaroo Care Breastfeeding and Babywearing Necklaces- a Review

It's always a pleasure to write a review of a product that you totally love, and that's exactly what I'm doing today! After browsing the Kangaroo Care shop, I had a pretty good idea that I was going to like the necklace I chose, but I had no idea just how much I would end up loving it.




The package arrived on Saturday(all the way from Estonia!), and as soon as I opened it I was in love. The necklaces look pretty and fun on the website, but totally don't do justice to how nice they look in person! The necklace really is gorgeous- and I picked a boring black! You should check out all the other options in the Kangaroo Care story- Varja, the momma behind Kangaroo Care, is definitely not afraid of color, and there are some really fun color combos to choose from. I picked black because I needed a new black necklace, but I think next time I'm going to get one of the rainbow necklaces or another colorful one.

 I'm not a photographer, and my camera is crappy. You should definitely check out the great photos in the Kangaroo Care shop too. 

The necklaces are made to be worn while breastfeeding or babywearing(side note- I love the gorgeous nursing photos in her store!), and while I couldn't really put the necklace to the test for those purposes, I can definitely see how it would be helpful for both. The necklaces, particularly the colorful ones, would easily catch a baby's eye, and the contrasting textures between the smooth wooden beads and the knitted beads could provide sensory stimulation for a baby, whether they were touching it or chewing on it. Heck- I'm an adult and I can barely stop touching it when I'm wearing it- it just feels so cool! Both of my kids have noticed it and wanted to touch and smell it.




I was concerned that I wasn't going to like the fact that the necklace was on a string type foundation, or that you have to tie it in the back to wear it(I can be sensitive and picky with those kinds of things), but neither one of those things have bothered me at all. The necklace is actually really lightweight to wear, but not in a "this is really cheaply made" kind of way. I can barely feel that I'm wearing it when I have it on, which is always nice. I've only had it for a week, so I can't speak to durability, but the necklace seems like it's very well made and should hold up for quite a long time.




I was so, so pleasantly surprised to discover that the necklace has a wonderful scent! (I should totally have read the description a little closer, because it tells you about the scent right on the item description.) The wooden beads are made out of juniper wood, which I had never smelled before, but the scent reminds me of cedar- it's like a light cedar-y scent. It's very refreshing, and I love getting little whiffs of it throughout the day.

As you can tell, I totally love this necklace. I've had it for 7 days now, and I think I've worn it 5 out of those 7 days! It's so comfortable and goes with so many things in my closet. I've gotten several compliments on it too. My only complaint, and it's not even a complaint about the necklace, is that there are no earrings to match! I like to wear earrings to complete my look, and I would love to have a pair of super simple earrings to match my necklace. I can picture a small dangle earring with one of the smaller wooden balls and a knit ball below it, or even just a simple stud earring with one of the knit balls would look really nice and really help to complement the necklace. Although I suppose if baby's used to being able to grab at and pull on the necklace, you wouldn't want something encouraging them to pull on your ears! Maybe earrings would only be realistic for us mommas with older kiddos.




Go check out Varja's shop, and make sure you like her page on Facebook too. She's got amazing products, and is very pleasant and friendly to work with! Thanks Varja!







Disclosure: Everything shared in this post is my honest opinion of the product. I was not paid to do this review, but I did receive the necklace for free.

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To the Boy Who Taught Me How to Love.

Dear son:

When you were born, I had already been married for 4 years and 8 months. I had already been a mother for 21 months. Yet somehow, I had not learned how to love. You were the one that taught me that.

 

Your birth was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. It was one of the most real experiences of my life. I had said that I wanted to be truly present for your birth, truly in the moment, and I was. I can't even explain how incredible your birth was for me- to go through the pain, the struggle, the agony, while fully experiencing all of it, knowing that you were waiting for me at the end. When that pain finally ended, and then you were there- all 8 pounds, 11 ounces, 15 inch head of you- and I had done it! I had never felt so joyful, so accomplished, so empowered. Your birth was the beginning of something wonderful, and not just because you had entered the world, but also because your presence in it would change me forever.

 

Just 6 hours after you were born, we had to take you in to the hospital. Your lungs didn't assimilate the small amount of fluid like they should have, and you were having trouble breathing. They stuck you with a needle several times, put an iv in your head, and put you in a bassinet in the NICU. I was scared. I was disappointed. But I was also numb. I didn't feel bonded to you yet. I would have done anything to protect you, but not because of the bond that we have now, more because I knew in my head that you were my baby and I'd someday fall in love. The bonding that we should have had right after birth was cut short. When they told me that we had to leave you in the NICU, that we weren't allowed in the room with you from 7-8AM, that everyone had to leave, I didn't fight to stay with you. You weren't even 24 hours old yet, and I left you. I regret that, and I'm forever thankful that nothing happened to you while I was gone.

 

When we got to take you home 2 days later, you and I made up for lost time. My midwife told me to climb into bed with you and stay skin to skin for the next week or two, and we did. Those were beautiful days. Oh, the cuddles. I couldn't stop examining you all over. I couldn't stop taking pictures of you. And we bonded.

 

When you were 6 months old, you taught me that not only was this Attachment Parenting stuff healthy for you, but that they were right about babies being people too. You were playing in the playroom, and I wanted you in the living room where I could keep an eye on you. I picked you up to carry you into the living room, and you started to cry! I froze- surely you couldn't be crying because I was taking you out of the playroom? Sure enough- as soon as I put you back, you stopped crying. I was amazed! You were a little person, and even though you couldn't talk or move around much yet, you had your own opinions and desires. From that day, I started to think about what things were like from your perspective, and how I could show you that your perspective was valuable to me too.

 

When you were about 18 months old you taught me even more about that, about respecting your needs and communicating with you. You still couldn't talk much, but you could understand almost everything I said, and I was learning that very quickly. I learned that I could get you to easily go along with things that were unpleasant for you, but necessary, if I would just explain them to you beforehand and coach you through them. It seems so simple to me now, to just treat you with the same consideration that I would anyone else, but at the time that was a very novel concept to me. Your nearly instant positive responses were an excellent teacher.

 

All of these things helped us to form an amazing bond. I knew what made you tick, and like any baby, you were crazy about your momma. But what I never expected was for that bond to grow even deeper as you made your way through your second year. I had chosen to nurse you, of course, just like I had nursed your sister. She and I had a wonderful 15 months of nursing, and the first 15 months of nursing you were much the same. I never expected a surprise to come along after all the experience I already had. I knew from the beginning I wanted to nurse you for longer, to let you self wean when you were ready, but it totally caught me off guard that it was so very much different than what I had already experienced, both with you and your sister.

 

With Hayden, and at first with you, nursing was a bonding experience, but it was also a functional one. You were hungry; I fed you. Simple as that. Yes, it was wonderful, and of course I treasured it, but at the core it was still an act of necessity. Not so as you got older. You tried food for the first time at 9 months old, but by the time you were 18 months you were crazy about it. You were eating everything you could get your hands on! Even so, your favorite thing in the world was still your num nums, and like I had planned, I continued to nurse you. It was so different for me now though. You weren't a baby anymore- you were growing into a boy! You were walking, talking, playing, interacting! You were eating food, and not just bites here and there, but a regular diet! I knew you didn't need to nurse for sustainment anymore. Our nursing relationship was no longer a mainly functional one, but had become an emotional one.

 

It was both strange and exciting for me at first. I had never experienced anything like it before. Not only did I love you as part of my family, as my child, but I was willingly sharing my body with you- not because you needed it to survive, but just because I loved you. That realization, that sharing of such a deeply tangible part of me with another human being began to open my heart in a way that it never had before. I had never shared myself so freely, so deeply before. It was revolutionary for me!

 

 

And then, as things started to fall apart, you taught me once again how to love. You see, as I was growing closer to you, your sister and I were pulling farther and farther apart. We became enemies. I didn't enjoy being around her. I didn't know how to handle her. I didn't know what to do with the angry feelings inside of me when she did something I didn't approve of. They scared me. I started to hate motherhood. That really scared me. I knew something was really, really wrong. I was starting to suspect that it had to do with the discipline method and mindset that I had. Your sister was getting lots of spankings back then.

 

One day I was looking at you and thought about how someday you would get bigger, and I'd have to spank you just like I spanked your sister. I had barely finished the thought when I felt my heart breaking into a million pieces- just at the thought of doing that to you, of violating your trust in me like that! I knew I could never strike you. Then the sobering, life changing truth dropped into my heart- How could I feel that way about you, while at the same time hitting your sister just about every day, sometimes multiple times a day? What had I done?

 

That thought led me on a journey- to grace, to love, to relearning what I knew about parenting, about grace, and about myself. It ultimately led me to gentle discipline, to learning to disciple the two of you, instead of punishing. I began to change the way I interacted with your sister, and the way that I thought about her. I stopped spanking, and started connecting. I learned how to set boundaries without punishing. I learned to start letting go of my fears and my need for control. Just how I had learned to open my heart with you, I began learning how to open it to others too. The bond that I had lost with your sister is being restored. The bond between your dad and me is more real than ever before.

 

Amazingly, as my heart began to open to love, I began to feel God's love more deeply, and in a more real way than I ever had before. For the first time, and after 26 years of following Him, I truly began to understand just how much He truly loves me. I began to truly follow Him, to long for Him, to love Him and allow Him to love me too. Then I understood that this was His plan all along- that He sent you to me to teach me how to love, to teach me how to draw closer to Him. You were just a baby- of course you didn't know what you were doing, how deeply you were changing me. But He knew, and He used you. Because of Him, and because of you, I'm learning how to truly love, and I feel more alive, more real than I ever have before.

 

I don't know if you'll ever understand this impact that you've had on my life, but I'll always be thankful. Thankful for you, the boy that taught me how to love.

 

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.

~ C.S. Lewis

 

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More on the Applebee's Nurse-In, and Some Mixed Feelings from Me

The Applebee's nurse in is happening today. In fact, it will probably be underway by the time I finish writing this post. Yes, that's right, I didn't end up going. More on that later.



I woke up this morning to this post by Best For Babes. The first part of the post includes an apology letter from the CEO and Chairman of DineEquity, Inc (I assume Applebee's is a part of that corporation). Julia Stewart said:

Dawn,
I am truly sorry that we haven’t connected. As soon as I learned about your experience, I wanted to reach out directly – not just as the CEO of our restaurants, but as a mom that nursed my own kids. I have my share of unfortunate memories from nursing in public and understand how you feel. I want to apologize personally for what happened. I also want to assure you the regrettable situation you encountered as our guest is unacceptable and completely contrary to how nursing moms are accommodated at thousands of Applebee’s on virtually any given day. We checked with your lawyer last week and she okayed my calling you. I tried you a couple of times and left messages with my number, so please feel free to call. While I know it doesn’t change what you encountered, I also wanted to let you know that the franchisee of the restaurant you visited took action to correct the manager’s mistake and she now knows better. We also took the opportunity to use this incident as a teachable moment and notified all Applebee’s restaurants about the proper policies and procedures for welcoming nursing moms to our restaurants – just to be doubly sure. While of course I can’t take back what happened, I can make sure we work even harder than usual to try and avoid anyone else having the same problem at any of our restaurants. Again, as a mom and the CEO, you have my promise that we and our franchisees will be even more vigilant on this issue.

Sincerely
Julia Stewart, Chairman & CEO, DineEquity, Inc.

I thought that was an awesome apology. This is obviously not a form letter thoughtlessly sent out from a big corporation, but a thought felt, personal apology from the company's CEO- who just happens to be a former nursing mom who apparently had some negative nursing in public incidents herself. That's a pretty big deal, and I applaud Julia for taking the time to reach out to Dawn in this way.



Best for Babes went on to say that even though this great apology has been issued, that a nurse-in is still called for. Danielle and Bettina write:

"The reason is, because day in and day out, mothers continue to be harassed, humiliated and discriminated against for choosing to breastfeed.  Not just at Applebee’s, which had a major harassment incident 5 years ago, and not just at Target, where the harassment and  lack of a proper response precipitated what was perhaps the largest nurse-in  in history.   The truth is that “Target mom” and Best for Babes Volunteer Director of Activism Michelle Hickman is getting a call almost every other day from a distressed mother who was harassed on the bus, at the airport, at a fitness club, at school.    That’s a lot of mothers, and it’s not right that they should suffer maltreatment.  What if we only hear from the moms who are upset, and not from the ones who fear public disapproval, and decide breastfeeding is just too hard, giving up before they can reap the benefits, or before they reached their personal goals?"

I can see that point of view. Women really do get harassed for nursing in public every day, and I could go on and on about how completely unacceptable that is, and how damaging those attitudes are to women, babies, and society in general. Sit-ins and nurse-ins have been effective vehicles for change in the past. I'm 100% in favor of women being free to nurse whenever, wherever without the fear of harassment.



However, I do have to admit that I have some mixed feelings here. Yes, even after that zealous post that  I wrote on Monday. Apologies have been issued- and not just formalities, but genuine, heartfelt apologies. Honestly, I don't feel 100% comfortable with the idea of standing outside of an Applebee's location with a protest sign(especially one where the incident didn't even occur), when Applebee's has sincerely apologized. Again, there are mixed feelings here, because while I feel that one one side, the other side of me says, "How could you NOT do something to speak out- this nursing mother had the COPS called on her for goodness sake!" Even with those mixed feelings, the issue of holding a protest sign quickly became a non-issue, because it's been raining all morning, and it would likely have been impossible to hold a protest sign outside of the store anyway.



I'm not anti-nurse in. I went to the Pure Fitness nurse in last year. I went to the actual location where the incident occurred, and where no apology had been issued. In fact they were so against nursing in public that some of the gym members actually held a counter-protest while we were protesting! I went to the Target nurse-in in December. Again, I was at the actual location where the incident occurred, but I still would have gone if I lived somewhere else. Target didn't issue an apology, and while there was an element of protest to the nurse-in event, the attitude was more one of normalizing nursing, not coming down on Target.

See? There's me at a nurse in, holding a protest sign. 

I think that's what most of the moms that are going to Applebee's today are planning to do as well. They're probably going to sit down, order some food, and nurse their babies- just like they would on any normal day, even without a nurse-in scheduled. I'm all for that- but that's also another big reason why I didn't go today. I'm allergic to gluten, so I can't eat anything on the Applebee's menu. My nursling is 2.5 years old, and we don't nurse in public anymore. He just doesn't need to. So if I did take my kids with me and go, we'd sit down at a table, not order any food, not nurse, and do what exactly? I dunno, even knowing that I'd leave a good tip for the waitress for her time, I'd still feel awkward doing that- just sitting there with my 2 kids and not eating anything, to make a point about nursing in public, which I wouldn't even be doing. So, taking into account my mixed feelings about the whole thing, and the fact that I wouldn't even actually be doing anything there, I decided to stay home.



This is the part about blogging that sucks. Because at some point, you're either going to have to be dishonest, or show some of your flaws. Guess what- I have flaws! I don't have everything figured out. I change my mind sometimes. I get confused sometimes. I say one thing and do another. It's never on purpose, but it happens. But the one thing that I do always try to do is to stay honest and true to myself- to what I'm feeling, thinking, and needing, and to what I believe. And today, all things considered, that means not showing up at the nurse in this afternoon, and being honest about the reasons why.



I'm not against those that went. I totally understand Best for Babes' point about why the nurse-in is still necessary, and there's a big part of me that agrees. But even though it makes me feel like a crummy "lactivist", it just wasn't the right fit for me to go up there today. I do extend well wishes to those that are going, and I hope that they're able to represent the cause well and do much to normalize nursing.

Another Nursing Mom Harassed- This Time with a Shocking Twist

*** UPDATE 9/25 ***

As of yesterday, Applebee's issued a new statement, one that looks a little more like an actual apology!

This is good news, right? Not so fast.

 

 

First of all, they only posted this new statement on the "Applebee's | COVINGTON" page, which has a whopping 160 likes. There's absolutely no mention of the incident or how sorry they are for the way Dawn was treated on their main Facebook page, which has nearly 3.5 million likes. I also haven't seen this apology in any of the news articles or other coverage of the incident. If Applebee's really wanted Dawn and everyone else to know how sorry they are, wouldn't they be making this statement a little more public?

 

 

And what of the fact that Applebee's claims to have attempted to contact Dawn personally, apparently with no response on her end? We asked Dawn about that, and this is what she said:

 

So let me get this straight- Applebee's didn't make any contact with Dawn, or attempt to apologize to her until after they found out that she had retained a lawyer? Call me a cynic, but that doesn't exactly make the apology seem genuine to me, especially with the other details taken into account. But I'm just one momma- take from it what you will.

 

 

*** END UPDATE ***

 

 

It's happening all over again, y'all. Yet another breastfeeding mom has been harassed for nursing in public, but this time the story is even more shocking.

 

 

On September 15th, Dawn Holland was in a booth in the back of an Applebee's restaurant in Georgia, nursing her 20 month old son. The restaurant manager came up to Dawn and told her that what she was doing was inappropriate, and that she'd either need to stop or take her son into the bathroom to nurse him. Dawn refused to do either, and asked the manager to look up the Georgia law on breastfeeding, which clearly states that women are free to nurse their children anywhere they are legally allowed to be.

 

 

I'm sure most of my readers have already seen this story and know what happened next. But if you haven't, just take half a second and guess. Manager asks mom to nurse in the bathroom, mom refuses and asks manager to look up the state law. Logically, a couple of scenarios could have played out. The manager could have walked back to her office, done a quick google, and realized that Dawn did, in fact, have the right to nurse in the restaurant! Aside from the initial harassement and lack of understanding of basic human biology, that sounds somewhat reasonable conclusion to the incident. Or maybe the manager refused to budge, and Dawn and her children left, frustrated and offended. That's been the outcome of several similar nursing in public harassment incidents.

 

 

But neither of those scenarios are what actually happened. Not only did the manager not go look up the Georgia law, not only did she continue to insist that Dawn stop nursing or go to the bathroom, she proceeded to CALL THE POLICE. Yep, you read that right. When faced with a peaceful, nursing mother in her restaurant, this manager decided the right course of action was to call the police.

 

 

Say what???

 

 

I'm really trying not to be rude. But I honestly don't understand what in the world would posess someone to call the actual police because a mother is nursing her child! Don't the police have actual crimes to stop? What kind of person would think that the act of a mother feeding her child is not only offensive, but a crime worth calling the police over? Consider my mind blown.

 

 

Of course, the police didn't give Dawn a citation of any sort, because they said that it was a civil issue. (How about the fact that Dawn was fully protected under Georgia law?) Dawn is still waiting for an apology, by the way, just like Michelle Hickman is still waiting for one from Target where she was harassed for nursing last December. (Side note- wanna see me on the news? Click that link and watch the video.) Applebee's has issued a public statement, but it falls far short of being an actual apology. They said (my comments in orange):

 

 

"We're in the business of welcoming guests to our restaurants and our top priority is always to provide a friendly and comfortable environment for everyone, including nursing mothers who have the right to nurse in public.(Look at that- Applebee's can regurgitate Georgia law! Now can they take it a step further and actually apologize to Dawn?) This was an unfortunate misunderstanding(A what? A misunderstanding? What exactly was it that was misunderstood? The fact that nursing is the biologically normal way to feed a child, not a crime worth calling the police over? Yeah, there was definitely a misunderstanding there. Maybe the fact that Dawn was harassed and humiliated when she had done absolutely nothing wrong, and deserves an apology? Yes, you've obviously misunderstood that too, Applebee's, given the fact that you haven't even had the decency to apologize to her!) and we hope the guest will give us another chance to demonstrate that to her personally. (Really? You harass this woman, call the police on her for absolutely no reason, weasel your way out of an actual apology by calling the whole thing a "unfortunate misunderstanding", and then you expect her to actually darken your doorstep and give you another chance? I'm betting that's not going to happen.)"

 

 

Yeah, really good job there, Applebee's.

 

 

The other thing that really frustrates me about this entire incident is that the manager that called the police on Dawn was a woman! I shouldn't still be surprised by this, but I am. Silly me for expecting women to stick up for each other, and understand the basic concepts of motherhood and female biology! We've seen this before, of course, most notably(for this blog, anyway) during the Pure Fitness incident when Penny Schlanser was harassed for nursing in a women only gym. The women that were offended by Penny nursing even came out and held their own counter protest during our nurse in.

 

 

As usual when a nursing mom is harassed, especially in such a blatant manner as Dawn was, the nursing community has organized a nurse-in, which is to be held on Saturday, September 29th from 1-3PM at Applebee's locations all across the country. I plan to be there with a sign saying something like "Breastfeeding isn't a Crime" or "Nursing is Normal" or "End Discrimination against Nursing Mothers". This has got to stop, y'all. For every nursing mom who gets harassed and makes the news for it, there are at least dozens more that we don't ever hear about. It's completely unacceptable that women are still being harassed for taking care of their children in the most basic way possible.

 

Here are some links if you want to dig a little deeper:

 

News coverage of the incident, including a news segment and an interview with Dawn.

 

Dawn is also scheduled to be on Katie Couric's new show on Wednesday. Lets hope Katie is more supportive of breastfeeding on the air than she is on her website, where she posted this gem. She asks, "Should women breastfeed in public?" Gosh, I dunno, Katie. Should women bottle feed in public? Should mothers feed Cheerios to their todders in public? Should adults eat sandwiches in public? Are we really still asking this question? I sincerely hope Katie educates herself on both this issue and the law before her interview with Dawn on Wednesday.

 

 

If you want to take part in the nurse-in as well, I encourage you to visit the Facebook group where it's being organized. There's a list of local nurse-in's by state, many with their own Facebook group for more localized organizing.

 

 

If this will be your first nurse-in, I encourage you to check out this information from Best for Babes about nurse-ins. It explains what to expect, what the point of a nurse in is, and what to do and not do during the nurse-in.

 

 

Let's do this! We'll continue to stand for nursing mothers and babies until breastfeeding becomes so normal that no one bats an eye at it- and especially until nursing mothers don't have to fear having the police called on them.

 

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Just one simple nursing session...

I've got a quick second to sit down at the laptop, and I want to share the coolest breastfeeding story that my grandma shared with me yesterday! Anytime I'm around anyone that knows me at all, they know that breastfeeding is fair game for conversation, so the topic came up without me even saying anything.


A couple of weeks ago, my grandma was at a funeral for someone in her ex husband's family. (In my crazy family, when people divorce, it's not an "I hate you and we're never speaking again" kind of thing, it's more of a "Hey, now that we're not married anymore, we can be great friends!" My grandma and her (now late) ex husband even flew in together to visit us once when we were kids. Silly. Anyway...) At one point during the visitation, her ex-niece (ex husband's sister's daughter- got it?) came up to her and said, "I just have to tell you this story!"


She told about how way back in '64, right after my mom was born, they were all at a family function when my grandma excused herself to another room to go nurse the baby. Her niece, Bonnie, who was just a child at the time, followed her into the room and watched her nurse my mom. My grandma says that she doesn't even remember the interaction, but Bonnie told her that the sight of her nursing the baby was one of the most beautiful things she's ever seen. She said that she and my grandma sat there and chatted for a couple of minutes about breastfeeding.


Then Bonnie told my grandma that that one interaction when she was a child was so meaningful to her that it inspired her to go on to not only nurse all of her children, but to also get certified as a lactation consultant! (I'm not sure what kind, but it doesn't really matter.)


I thought that was just so amazing. Women inspiring women to help other women- it brings tears to my eyes! What my grandma did that day so many years ago didn't seem like a big deal- she doesn't even remember it. But for one little girl, it was enough to inspire her to nurse her own children and make a living out of helping others to do the same. Just one nursing session witnessed by a little girl has sent waves of love and support throughout an entire community! 


So remember- the little acts of love and nurturing that you show to others might not seem like a big deal to you, but you never know when they could be making a world of difference to others. That little word of encouragement you share with another nursing mom might be exactly what she needs to give her the strength to keep going when it gets tough. As women and mothers, lets try to do whatever we can to encourage each other- you never know the long lasting effect it might have!

Still nursing. Still loving it.

Nursing is normal. You know what else is normal? Nursing a toddler. Nursing a preschooler is normal too. It's biologically normal, developmentally normal, and historically normal. It also works really well for me and my son. So why would I stop nursing him just because it's not socially normal for me to continue? I don't make a habit out of making decisions based on what society thinks of me, especially when it comes to the well being of my children.

 

 

I think some people assume that a toddler nurses just like an infant does, but that's just not true. At this point, it's really not a big deal. We don't make a grand ceremony about it. I nurse him down to sleep every night, and every morning he climbs into my bed looking for his num nums. We snuggle and nurse for 5 or 10 minutes, and then he declares that he's "all done" and runs off to ask Daddy for a bananna. Nursing is just a lovely part of his morning routine. We don't nurse much during the day anymore, only every once in a while. We have healthy boundaries set too. If he wakes up in the middle of the night(which happens occasionally, but not often), he may nurse, but not all night. If he gets upset about that, I comfort him, but he still doesn't get to nurse all night. If he asks to nurse during the day, and I'm not able to nurse him for whatever reason, I say, "Sorry buddy, not right now", and he says, "Awww, man!" and moves on with his day. But most days, we only nurse first thing in the morning and as the last thing before he goes to bed.


 

 

Extended breastfeeding has amazing health benefits. My breastmilk is still boosting his immune system and helping keep his gut healthy. My breastmilk still contains the cancer killing properties that it did when he was an infant. My breastmilk is still helping prevent my chances of developing breast cancer, and the longer I nurse, the lower that risk goes! My breast milk is also helping boost his brain- studies have shown that the longer a child is nursed, the more intelligent they are. Breastmilk is still the perfect food that it was when he was an infant, and it's changed along with him to provide just what he needs at this stage of his life. It's amazing!

 

 

The psychological benefits are awesome too. Tristan and I have an amazing bond, and he's secure in the knowledge that I'll always be there for him. He's such a happy kid, and rarely gets upset enough to throw a fit or do other "terrible twos" things that are talked about. He's independent and adventurous, and loves to climb. He has a wonderful imagination, and is constantly pretending with his toys. He has a huge vocabulary, and often uses words like "actually" in context, like that's a completely normal thing for someone his age to do. He's cherished and well loved by everyone that knows him. Of course, breastfeeding doesn't get all the credit for that, but I do believe that nursing has had a big part in helping him become the awesome little toddler that he is. At the very least, it's clear that it's not hindering his development in any way.

 

 

And on that note, Tristan and I have reached 2.5 years of nursing as of last week! I'm so proud of us! We've achieved and exceeded the goal that I set when he was born, which was to nurse for two years. I dare say that if things continue the way they're headed, we'll have no problem making it to three.

 

 

Still going strong, still loving nursing!

 

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My experience at baby Arden's birth!

This April, I had the incredible honor of being present at a friend's homebirth. You might have heard of my friend, Jessica from The Leaky B@@b. We don't know each other very well(better now!), and yet she asked me to be there with her as she gave birth, to facilitate the live chat and video that she wanted to have running as she labored and birthed. I'm pretty sure my jaw dropped all the way to the floor when she asked me! If you know me at all, you know that I'm super passionate about birth and dream of being a midwife someday, so to have the opportunity to be at a birth without having to wait until I'm finished with all the training I'll need was a dream come true for me. And then to have it be the birth of someone that's making waves in the breastfeeding world, that has built the largest interactive breastfeeding support community on facebook(over 53,000 people now!), and a woman that I truly admire- let's just say I was humbled, honored, and excited for the opportunity.

 

 

Jessica decided that she wanted to have a live video stream running on her blog as she gave birth. Why in the world would she choose to share such an intimate moment live for anyone to view? Stated simply, to normalize birth and to empower women. Of course, I'm all for that! Jessica told me that she has learned so much and felt so empowered by the birth videos that she had watched years ago, and that she wanted to pass that experience on and hopefully empower others. I think she did that and more, and it was so, so amazing to watch.

 

 

Jessica contacted me around 10AM on Thursday, April 19th. Of course, you never know when someone is going to go into labor, but this birth worked out pretty much perfectly for me. SInce we only have one car, and Thad works so much(sometimes across town), I had several contingency plans in place. Thankfully I didn't have to use any of them- when I got the message from Jessica, Thad was already at home, with no big plans for the day! I was able to quickly throw some stuff together and we headed out the door. I was so, so excited, and a little nervous too. I knew I had a lot of responsibility on my shoulders, and I didn't want to screw it up! I said a quick prayer that I'd be able to do everything that Jessica wanted me to do, and that I'd be a good representative of her heart in sharing the birth and that I wouldn't do anything to damage The Leaky B@@b's good reputation!

 

 

Jessica's house is about an hour from mine, but by the time I got over there she was still in early labor. The Piano Man(Jessica's husband) got me started on the live chat that he had just set up. Within minutes there were several hundred people! We couldn't believe how fast they were showing up! So much love and so many well wishes for Jessica and her family. If it wasn't obvious before that this woman has touched many lives, there's no doubt now. The comments were just pouring in, both on the live chat and The Leaky B@@b facebook wall. Jessica didn't want the live video feed turned on until closer to delivery, but her friend Sue took some short videos of Jessica and The Piano Man dancing through contractions. Everyone loved it- they were just eating up each picture and video.

 

 

The atmosphere in the house was so peaceful in those early labor hours. Everyone was calm and relaxed, and Jessica had the most wonderful labor playlist turned up loud. Every time she'd have a contraction she'd stand in the middle of the living room, and sway and sing with the music. When the contraction got intense, she'd call for The Piano Man and he'd dance with her or press on her hips. You could see the love flowing through them as they gazed into each others eyes- it was truly idyllic. Whenver Jessica would get a contraction, she'd call out, "Tell me", and The Piano Man would reply, "I love you". So, so sweet.

 

 

After a little while, Jessica's midwife showed up, along with her birth photographer. So, besides family, there were four of us there- Jessica's midwife, Cathy Rude; Jessica's friend and nurse that helped her so much with the ivs and everything needed for HG, Sue Potts; the birth photographer(so sorry I don't remember her name), and me. We were all just waiting! I've never been to a birth before, so I was a little curious as to what it would be like waiting around for the baby to come. I was there for over 12 hours total, but it really didn't seem like that long. The live chat and TLB facebook page kept me really busy. The downside of the program that we were using to host the chat and video was that I had to individually approve each and every comment. It was a total pain in the neck, both for me and the commenters!

 

 

After several hours, and after having the midwife break her water, Jessica decided to turn the camera on. All the viewers were totally thrilled about that! Questions and comments were pouring in! Everyone wanted to know who was who- they even asked me to step in front of the camera and wave. I'm pretty introverted, so I was very happy to hide in the corner out of view of the camera, but I did indulge their requests and gave a little wave. Everyone was so excited about that- I was just surprised that anyone cared! It still seemed surreal that there were so many people watching live. Jessica and The Piano Man were still doing the "Tell me", "I love you" routine with just about every contraction. Several viewers said that it was so sweet they were tearing up! Everyone was commenting about how supportive The Piano Man was, and how they wish he could give labor partner lessons to their husbands! He really did do an amazing job, and I'm blessed to say that I know the feeling, as Thad was also incredibly supportive during my two births. It really does make a huge difference to have the person that you love most be right there cheering you through the whole time.

 

If I remember right, the camera was on for about half an hour, but then Jessica's labor stalled a bit around 5 cms, so the camera was turned back off. She tried nipple stimulation with a pump, relaxed in the bath for a bit, and tried some different positions to encourage the baby to descend. The viewers weren't deterred by the break in the live video feed though. There were still about 16,000 people on the live chat, and the comments were literally coming in faster than I could approve them. I kept apologizing that I wasn't able to get to everyone's comments! I was pretty tired by that point, and my butt was going numb. I was trying not to let myself think any of those thoughts, because I knew that Jessica was in a lot more uncomfortable than I was! I finally decided that it would be wise to take a break while Jessica was in the bath and the camera was turned off. I didn't want to leave 16,000 people, but I had already been on the computer for around 8 hours, and I knew I should get a little rest before the baby really started coming. I sat in the living room and just relaxed for a couple of minutes and chatted with the birth photographer. I realized I was STARVING!!! (Next time I go to a birth, I'm definitely bringing more snacks.) I'm so thankful that Sue was willing to stop and get me some Larabars while she was out picking up something for the birth pool. Thank you Sue!

 

 

Whatever Jessica and her midwife did to encourage things along worked, because after an hour or two they headed back into the bedroom and turned the camera back on. I tucked myself into the corner of the room with Jessica's laptop and resumed chatting. To say that everyone was excited is an understatement. The number of people viewing the live chat was pushing 18,000 by that point! Amazing! I wish I had gotten a couple of screen shots, but it totally slipped my mind. (And my only regret of the whole thing is that I didn't get a picture of me and Jessica! Oh well.)

 

 

Jessica labored for a little while on the bed again, and then she started getting pushy! The viewers noticed immediately and started commenting. "Was that a push I heard?" "She sounds pushy!" Jessica was on her hands and knees on the bed, facing the camera and the side of the room where I was. She started to give a big push, and the midwife said something like, "Oh, here she comes, there's the head!" I was thinking she probably still had a little ways to go, and several more pushes before the baby was actually born. I started to get up really slowly, thinking maybe I should go see the baby crowning. No such luck- by the time I had gotten off the floor, I saw a baby on the bed! I couldn't believe how fast she came out!!! Jessica sat back on the bed, ripped her dress off(I don't think I've ever seen anyone move so fast!), and pulled her baby to her chest. I don't know if everyone else did, but I started tearing up! I'd dare say there's nothing more amazing in this world than seeing a baby being born into it.

 

 

Baby Arden started to pink up right away- she had amazing color. All the family gathered around to meet the new baby and start the bonding process. It brought back such wonderful memories from Tristan's birth. After a minute, I composed myself, and got back on the laptop to continue approving comments and make the birth announcement on TLB facebook page. Within minutes, the post had over 1,000 likes, and has nearly 6,000 likes today. So much love for this wonderful momma and her family. Jessica and The Piano Man announced the name that they chose for their little Sugarbaby- Arden Credence, which means passionate belief. I don't think any baby born into this family has much chance of not being passionate about something! ;) Arden latched on right away and did great with nursing! Again, I don't think she had much of an option there!

 

 

 

I was excited going into this, but I honestly wasn't sure what to expect, and definitely didn't know how deeply I'd be moved. But Arden's birth was inspiring to me on so many levels. I loved getting to meet Jessica's family and get a little taste of their life. It was so obvious that their home and family are just full of love, and I so enjoyed getting to watch them all interact. This is a family that's committed to each other, that's serious about what they believe in, and that's ready and willing to share their love with the world. It's so cool to know that families like this really exist, and I hope and pray that my own family can emulate them in some way. It was also so amazing to see how many thousands of people were moved and inspired as the watched the birth. To know that I played a role in sharing that with them is just incredibly humbling. As far as the birth itself- it's hard to put such a fully tangible, yet incredibly spiritual experience into words, but it's touched me so deeply. (More on that later.) I know I'm called to birth work, and I'm so thankful that my first experience was with such a normal, peaceful, perfect birth. Jessica, thank you so much for inviting and allowing me to be a part of Arden's birth- I'll be forever grateful.

 

Welcome, baby Arden! Do you know how many lives you've touched already?

 

 

You might be a crunchy parent if...(Our trip to the zoo)

We went to the zoo today! It was Tristan's first time, and it might as well have been Hayden's first time too, since the last time that we went she was too young to remember any of it. (I know. We don't get out much. I blame my husband's crazy work schedule and my lack of car.) Hayden was so excited to be going to the zoo. She couldn't stop talking on the way up there- it was so cute.

 

The elephants were one of the first animals that we saw. One one side, in a seperate area, there was a mommy and a baby elephant! They were just too cute! I was so hoping that the baby would nurse, and sure enough- it did! It was a total lactivist geek-out moment for me- DH was rolling his eyes. It was such perfect timing though, because Hayden and I had just been talking earlier about animals nursing. A couple of days ago during lunch, she asked me, "Mommy, why do cows have little pigs on the back of them, on the bottom?" She thought that the cows' udders were little pigs! Oops! I guessed maybe it was time for a basic anatomy lesson. Thanks to good old Google, I pulled up a bunch of pictures of different animals nursing, and we talked about how lots of different animals get milk from their mommies, just like she did when she was a baby, and just like Tristan still does now. She was so fascinated and really had a fun time looking at all the pictures. She kept saying how cute each baby animal was. Then we watched the classic Sesame Street clip, Buffy nurses Cody, and she just loved that.

 

So it was perfect timing to go to the zoo two days later and get to see a baby elephant nursing!!! You can't really see it in the picture, but s/he was getting momma milk! The elephant had crazy long nipples- you can kindof see one in the second picture, and in the one above.

 

Of course, we saw lots of different animals. It was fun to ask Tristan what he thought each animal was. He knows a lot of different animals for a two year old, but of course not nearly all the animals in the zoo. We saw some huge(!) longhorn cows, and when I asked him what kind of animal they were, he said, "Puppy!" Then he got a good look at the horns and said, "Is that a tuba? *giggle* No, that's not a tuba."

 

 

The first primates we saw were baboons. Some of them were really crazy looking! Apparently when a female baboon is ovulating, her genital area swells up like a balloon and turns bright pink! There were several females that had the bright pink swelling going on. I guess maybe, like humans, when several females live together they tend to cycle together? It was really gross looking, but I thought it was really fascinating as well! Of course, I do find the whole conception/pregnancy/birth/breastfeeding journey to be immensely interesting, so I would think that. You know you're a crunchy parent when your favorite part of the zoo is the nursing elephant and the ovulating baboon!

 

I didn't get any pictures of the baboons, but they looked something like this. Isn't that crazy?!?

The kids had a blast riding the carousel- I'm pretty sure it was their first time to do that too. (Told ya we don't get out much.) Then they posed by the giraffe.

 

Tristan just had to push the stroller by himself on the way out. "No, Pawpaw, let me do it myself!" He's getting so independent- and articulate!

 

We had so much fun!

 

 

Baboon Photo Credit

 

My covert lactivist mission

Can anyone give me a good reason why the sign for a nursing room would have a symbol of a bottle on it??

 

 

It couldn't be that the room was meant for bottle feeding moms. The room is clearly labeled as a "nursing room". And besides, who expects bottle feeding moms to go to a special room to feed their babies? They can just feed their babies out in the food court where everyone else eats! No, that can't be it.

 

Maybe the people that made the sign couldn't find a symbol for nursing that is universally recognizable? I mean, the bottle is widely recognized as a symbol of infant feeding. But there's the international breastfeeding symbol, so that couldn't be it!

 

Maybe the person in charge of the sign knew that children would be walking by and wanted to avoid posting something inappropriate? But nursing is not obscene, and is actually intended for children! That certainly couldn't be the reason for the nonsensical symbol choice.

 

The only logical conclusion is that it must have been a simple mistake! Yes, that must be it. And if it was a mistake, surely they'd be thankful if someone corrected it?

 

 

There, that's better.

 

When is this going to stop???

Sometime last week I came across a news story about yet another woman who was rudely asked to stop nursing her baby. This time it wasn't in a woman's only gym, or in Target. Nope- this momma was nursing her baby in the waiting room of the Texas Attorney General's office. That's right- she was in a government office and was told harshly that she needed to find another place to nurse.

 

You'd think, of all people, that those in public office or working for the government would be aware of the laws protecting breastfeeding moms. You'd think that government offices would be a safe place to exercise your legal rights without harassment. But apparently not, at least not in Julie Helmke's case.

 

Obviously I'm mad that yet another mom has been humiliated and harassed for nursing her baby. But you know what else makes me mad? The utter lack of support in this society for moms, especially new moms. Julie's baby was only 6 weeks old. I don't know Julie, so I'm not trying to make assumptions about her specifically, but for the vast majority of women, 6 weeks postpartum is a very trying time, both physically and emotionally. When Julie was harassed, she was in the child support waiting room of the attorney general's office. She was waiting to speak to her case worker, presumably about child support. (Again, I'm not trying to make personal assumptions about Julie, but why else would she be there?) If a woman is to be receiving child support, that can only mean one thing- that her relationship with the child's father is no longer intact. Add that to the fact that she was 6 weeks postpartum, and that's a lot of stress for one new momma to handle. She deserves society's support. She does not deserve to be harassed and humiliated for FEEDING HER BABY.

 

When is this going to stop? When will we finally realize that nursing is normal? When will we finally start to realize the value and importance of mothers, and give them the respect and support that they deserve?

 

Why is it culturally acceptable for Christina Aguilara to wear this on national tv, but it's not culturally acceptable for a mom to nurse her baby in public? The hypocrisy astounds me.

We did it!!!

*I just want to make this disclaimer right up front. This post is about me, my son, and the nursing milestone that we've reached today. It's just about us and our happiness. Please do not interpret our excitement as judgment or disapproval of anyone that has made different choices than I have, or has nursed for a different length of time than I have. I choose to celebrate breastfeeding, whether it's a lot or a little. But today I'm just celebrating our nursing milestone, and not worrying about the details of anyone else's. That's between you and your baby. :) Also, I realize that the struggles I share in this post look like a cake walk compared to what some mothers have endured to nurse their kids. In sharing our small struggles, I do not intend in any way to diminish the greater struggles that some have gone through. I hope that all makes sense, and if it doesn't, please read this wonderful post at The Leaky B@@b- it explains how I feel much better than this little paragraph does.

 

 

 

 

We did it. We did it!!! Today is Tristan's second birthday, and we're celebrating two years of breastfeeding!!! I'm so excited. Thrilled would probably be a better word to describe how I'm feeling. We did it! We made it! All that hard work, all those painful moments, all those wonderful memories have now added up to two years of nursing!

 

This is it- THE milestone I was hoping for. My ultimate goal. I broke it up into smaller goals, of course. I thought it seemed a little silly to look at a day old baby and proclaim, "My nursing goal is two years!!!" But in my mind it's been two years all along. Hayden nursed for 15 months, and while I'm super proud of that, and proud that she never had formula, I know that 15 months is not ideal, or really physiologically normal. I still struggle with a bit of guilt over that, especially since she still can't fall asleep without her pacifier. I wish that we'd been able to nurse for longer.

 

Tristan and I got off to a good start. He nursed for about 45 minutes shortly after birth. I have such sweet memories of that time. We had to transfer to the hospital about 6 hourse after he was born, and he was a bit disinterested in nursing for the next 12 hours or so after he got an iv. The next day we were able to pick right back up though, and things were pretty smooth sailing for a while. I started pumping once a day, first thing in the morning, and built up a decent little freezer stash. I felt so proud of all the bottles and bags of milk in the freezer. I'd stare at them and think, "I MADE that!"

 

When Tristan was about 3 months old, we hit a big roadblock. I don't know how it happened, but I got a sore on the side of my left nipple. It didn't seem to fit any of the descriptions of any of the nipple issues that I was reading about. I still have no idea what it was or where it came from, but boy oh boy was it painful!!! I could hardly stand for him to latch on at all. Anytime he nursed it would send shooting pain through the whole left side of my body. After a week or two of hoping that it would heal, I went to see a lactation consultant who suggested using a nipple shield to protect my nipple and hopefully give it a chance to heal. She also suggested some antibiotic cream. Great ideas, right? Right, except that Tristan was NOT a fan of the nipple shield. Hated it. After much crying and coercion, I finally got him to latch onto it. After a couple of days, the sore seemed to be gone, and since Tristan hated the shield so much, I stopped using it. Surprise, surprise- it wasn't as healed as I thought it was, and split right back open again!!! So discouraging. We went back to square one with the nipple shield, and again, I jumped the gun and stopped using it too early. My nipple split back open, again. By that point I'd been dealing with excruciating pain, the hassle of the nipple shield, and a baby who hated the nipple shield for about 4 weeks. If you know me, you know how much I believe in breastfeeding, but even I was ready to give up at that point. Not give up breastfeeding of course, but I was seriously considering letting my left breast dry up and just nursing from my right. Isn't that hilarious? I mean, it is totally doable- just funny to look back now and remember that I was seriously considering it.

 

I really don't remember how the crack finally healed. I think it was a combination of prayers of desparation and me finally being disciplined enough to use the nipple shield for long enough to let it heal completely. I was just so, so relieved to have the pain over with. We were back to smooth sailing.

 

When Tristan turned 6 months, I started giving him samples of solid food. I was doing baby led solids with him, so we didn't do purees. He wasn't a fan at first, and totally hated solid food until a week before he turned 9 months. He tasted a bite of his sister's lemon yogurt and never looked back. He loves to eat. Baby led solids was so easy! I didn't have to worry about what he was or wasn't ready for, because I just followed his cues. I didn't have to cook or buy seperate food for him. I was still doing cloth diapers and wipes at the time, and enjoyed walking past the baby aisle at the grocery store, knowing I didn't need a single thing from it!

 

As Tristan started to eat solids, I made a real point to make sure that he was still nursing first, and nursing regularly. I knew that he still really needed the benefits of my milk, and I also wanted to do what I could to nurse him for longer than I did Hayden. I think a couple of factors played into her weaning at 15 months- I think I did too many solids, too soon, and of course the fact that I got pregnant again was probably also a big factor. My strategy worked, and he turned into a big booby loving baby! He totally loved his num nums, and still does.

 

I held my breath as we reached 15 months. I got really excited and celebrated when we reached 18 months. But I knew that two years was my real goal. If we could make it to two years, I'd be so thrilled. Relieved, even. Anything past that would just be icing on the cake. And here we are!!! Two years of nursing. I'm so happy. So thankful. So thankful to have been able to offer this gift to my son- not just the nutrition but the warmth, softness, and comfort of my breast. The wonder of the amazing bond that we've built. So thankful for all that I've learned, and all that he's taught me through this process. It takes vulnerability to be able to share your body with another person, and my son has taught me how to begin to be vulerable and how to love and be loved. I'm so thankful to be on this nursing journey with him, and I look forward to every day that we have left.

 

 

 

Respect for women?

So lets talk a little bit about that. One of the counter-protester's signs said "Pure Fitness: Respect for Women". To her that meant that PF was respecting a mother's right to choose when and how to explain to her son about breastfeeding. She felt that her parental rights were violated when her son saw someone breastfeeding before she was ready for him to, and without her there to explain what was going on.

I could talk about why it's so important for children to see breast feeding, and why it's actually a really good thing. But I'm going to save that for another post. Today I just want to talk about respect for women.


Would you ever dream of telling another woman what she should or shouldn't wear? Let's say you only feel comfortable wearing a one piece swimsuit to the beach. That's fine- it's your body, your choice. But would you walk up to a woman who was wearing a bikini and tell her that she needed to cover up? Of course not! It's her body- her choice what to wear. It would be disrespectful for you to walk up to another woman and assume that you had the right to tell her what to wear or not to wear, and which parts of her body needed to be covered.


Let's look at it from a bit of a different angle. Respect for women. In my mind, there is nothing more womanly than the acts of pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding. These are things that only women can do. These acts are necessary for our species to survive. It doesn't get more basic, more instinctual, more womanly than this! In the past, women supported each other and taught each other about these things. They were a normal part of life. I wonder what has happened to our society when it's ok for a nursing mother to be shamed and put down by another mother! This should not be happening. When we're telling a mom that her most basic act of caring for her child is something to be ashamed of or hidden- that is disrespectful to women on the most basic level.


When a mom is told that she has to use a cover, or that she has to find a private location, or has to pump and feed her child with a bottle, it sends the message that her breasts are something to be hidden. She's told that her breasts are something to be ashamed of. And why? Because her breasts are sexual objects. If we only see breasts as something sexual, then we'll think that they need to be hidden. We might as well be saying, "Okay, I guess you can use your sex toys to feed your baby, but if you really must do that, you need to keep it under wraps. No one wants to see you using your breasts for a non-sexual purpose." See how degrading that is? See how limiting that is?

Some people argue- why can't the nursing mom just use a cover/pump and bring a bottle/sit in her car/stay at home? Well, why can't she? Besides the obvious answer, that it's her choice to do or not do any of those things, there are other truly legitimate reasons as well. Some babies won't nurse if they're covered up. Some people might like to eat with a blanket on their head, but others don't. That's pretty reasonable. You know what- maybe she just forgot her nursing cover at home, but baby is still hungry! As far as pumping- some women's bodies don't respond to a pump. Some babies(mine included) won't take a bottle. Pumping and bottle feeding was literally not an option for me, and it's not for a lot of women. Why couldn't she just sit in her car? Maybe she was dropped off wherever she was. Maybe she took the bus. Maybe it's 100 degrees outside, and her car doesn't have air conditioning. Staying at home is the most ridiculous option of all- would you want to be stuck inside your home for an entire year or even longer? I know I wouldn't. That's not a feasible option for any mother, and to even suggest that as an option is truly ignorant.

My point is that you can't paint all women with the same brush. You don't know my circumstances, and I don't know yours. Breast feeding is so important to the health and well-being of both mother and child, and it needs to be supported unequivocally, without reservation or exception. When you assume that a mother could or should have done things differently, you put her into a box- and that, my friend, is disrespectful.


I'm sure there are some people that have been reading, and have made it this far, and still disagree with me. But before you leave, and think that I'm wrong, I want you to take a look at one picture. I want you to really take a look at it- soak it in and really think about what it means.

There is a (presumably) Muslim woman, in a burqa, with her face covered. And yet she has her breast completely exposed to feed her child. Here in our "enlightened" culture, we see the burqa as oppressive. We argue that it objectifies women, that it places extreme limitations on women, and that it degrades them. And yet we don't realize that we're doing the exact same thing when we tell women that they must hide breastfeeding.